Posts tagged ‘Sunday School’

October 10, 2014

Face The Facts – Episode 6: Sunday School Adventures

Fact – One of the script changes in Return of the Jedi: the climactic battle was suppose to take place on a planet of Wookiees instead of Ewoks.

Welcome to another edition of Face the Facts. It has been a long hiatus, but we are happy to be back and look forward to spreading more awesome! Passion Nate, the host of the Bro-est Bros You Knows, was really pushing for me to write another one… and you just can’t say no to a man that exclaims everything he says. Apparently Passion Nate can’t do an indoor podcast with an indoor voice. Which I suppose is par, Emotion Al can’t tell a funny joke on a funny podcast.

Ripping off Sonic commercials for comedy is like stealing Trent Richardson’s moves for evasiveness. It is like copying Florida Georgia Line lyrics for subtly. It is like borrowing from Michael Bay movies for tips on writing a good script… or enjoying a Michael Bay movie for the witty banter… or watching Michael Bay movies to not have your childhood completely crushed…

Apparently using original  source designs is as impossible as a 99 cheese pizza.

Apparently using original source designs is as impossible as a 99 cheese pizza.

Also, have ya’ll ever heard of Yahoo sports fantasy? That’s like a more entertaining and informative version of the first half of your podcasts. Also, why would you bring on the fashion turkey, and not ask one question about fashion? WHAT DO I WEAR THIS FALL?! I did like Dana White’s appearance; his voice on the podcast had a certain dana sais quoi (copyrighting that one).

Fact – Washington D.C. averages more rainfall a year than Seattle.

So how has life been in the District? Life has been great. My wife, she of the beautifully crafted head, is still wonderful and my flat mates are still flat. I had a brother graduate from college and another one (the original fact facer) is about to go to college. My wife pointed out to me the other day; she and I have been in a relationship for the majority of my youngest brother’s life. So it seems the majority of my youngest brother’s life also coincides with the happiest time in mine. My parents are doing well. My in-laws are doing well. Quick shout out to

Blip Roasters, the hottest new motorcycle-themed coffee roaster in KC. They roast high quality coffee imported from farm communities in South America where farmers are paid fair and competitive wages. The best coffee beans in the world roasted by socially conscious coffee enthusiasts. Fill your cups with Blip Roasted coffee and your minds with social awareness.
We have moved off of world famous Wisconsin Ave and moved on to solar system famous Massachusetts Ave. The new apartment complex has a bunch of cute children, a pool (category: things that are awesome), and a front desk man named Justice (He dishes out our packages with a little help from Truth and American way). My life in the District is the opposite of sports in the District (See Washington Post article on Washington “sports team”). Banh mi is getting really popular here, so that’s cool. I told my mom she should open up shop here. It would BANK!

Fact- The Hebrew term for Joseph’s “multicolored” coat, kethoneth passim, more accurately translates into Joseph’s “long sleeved” coat. Credit to my Gal Pal for this fact.

So I recently had the privilege of subbing in for Ms. Cthulhu’s Sunday school class. She was out of town terrorizing a wedding (congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Hill) and I valiantly volunteered to teach her class. More accurately, my wife and I volunteered to teach her class. Even more accurately, my wife volunteered and taught the class, I volunteered and handed out Dum Dum’s, an important if unglamorous task. I pulled out all of the root beer flavored pops which looked to be suspiciously coated in Ebola. I am as thoughtful as I am valiant, and I “disposed” of the questionable candies. Upon further anecdotal examination, the questionable pops were Ebola free, to the great relief of all parties involved. Teaching kids about the Catholic faith is fun and filled with lol’s. From watching kids head explode trying to understand the mysteries of the Holy Trinity (category: things that are awesome) to having kids question the logistics of the Adam and Eve populating the entire planet (just Google it!) the non-stop entertainment was almost worth waking up early on Sunday. The fun thing is, kids understand certain life maxims in their most unadulterated form. We should be good and treat others better, because God rewards those that are good. As adults we still live by these maxims, but they have been broken and molded into submission by our experiences.

I mean, look kid, this isn’t strictly algorithmic. Turning the other cheek isn’t always pragmatic, just ask my flat mate’s younger brother. Life isn’t a coin operated machine… wait… maybe it is, but it’s more like an old quarter hungry laundry machine that decides to shut down mid cycle leaving your life wet and ill-prepared for the dryer. Let me start over, life isn’t a videogame (Genesis/Generation/Next Gen) where you play a level well and you get a PlayStation trophy. Well sometimes it is, like you can do well at something and get a literal trophy. Hmmm, maybe these kids understand it better than I do. I mean I know I am sure that I am kind of sure of what I believe in. I know that I don’t believe in Karma. At least I don’t believe in a strictly scientific Karma. I believe my God is an Awesome God,

(you’re welcome {Kobe System} for the ear-worm) but I don’t necessarily believe my God is an axiomatic God. I won’t get compliments just by giving compliments. But maybe by being the kind of person that encourages others through honest praise, I open myself up to the increased probability of reciprocity. Maybe I just don’t like to think of God in terms of a mathematic formula. If I am being truly honest with myself, maybe I am just upset I am an Asian that is ungifted at math (My dad would call math a “piece of vanilla cake.” Did you really need to specify the cake, Bo? I mean it can be any cake, generally speaking, and make the point, right? Where is this going? *end tangent). Maybe I also find my mind getting blown trying desperately to pursue truth and comprehend purpose. Look, I do understand these life maxims more completely than these kids. I am an adult, technically speaking. I just admire how little effort it takes for them to be genuine. So here is my corny trope-ish conclusion, learning is fundamental. Sunday is still fun day even at Sunday school.

Fact- An estimated 156 wives and 275 husbands were convicted of killing their spouses each year.

So I come home and find two trays of delicious looking baked goods prepared by my wife and Cthulhu. They are on the stove next to a box of detergent. Do you:

A. Assume that the baked goods and the detergent are two separate endeavors and enjoy a delicious snack
B. Assume that your wife finally got sick of telling you to look at the car, and take a hard look at yourself
C. Assume that that Cthulhu finally had enough of my flat mate calling her Channing in his sleep, and avoid the snack.
D. Assume that Cthulhu is perfectly content with her circuitous relationship with my flat mate but still sucks at cooking, and avoid the snack.
E. Be offended that baked goods are not Bro enough and toss them out. Fry bacon, and leave that out on the stove for others to enjoy.

Yeah… most definitely E. Wives out there, please don’t put a box of detergent next to freshly prepared food after your husbands have read Gone Girl. Twist…. this is being written by Zanahoria. I mean me, the amaZing Zanahoria.

Fact- People that visit Vivid are good looking

Next FTF will cover some Android L and Android Silver news. We will also look at some of the big (literally) smartphones that are coming out. I will give my review of the PS4 version of Destiny. Also I was kidding earlier, I love Passion Nate and Emotion Al, I just wish they wouldn’t run off every time we start the Brocast. Like seriously guys, where do you go? Are you comparing macros in your protein shake? Anyways, check out my podcast The Bro-est Bros You Knows. Klar and I try to talk about the issues while keeping it Bro. Until next time… when in doubt, Face The Facts!

April 23, 2012

Sunday School Skit: Legion

Sunday School Skit:
Jesus Heals a Demon-Possessed Man
(Luke 8: 26-39)

Characters: Narrator, Village Person 1, 2, &3, Demons 1, 2, &3, Jesus, Man

Narrator: Jesus and his followers sailed to the region of the Gerasenes, which is across the lake from Galilee. When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town.

Village Person 1: Oh no, it’s the crazy guy.

Village Person 2: Yeah, he hasn’t worn clothes or lived in a house for a long time, but he’s been living in the graveyard.

Village Person 3: Even when he has been chained hand and foot and kept under guard, he has broken his chains and has been driven by the demon into places by himself.

Narrator: When the possessed man saw Jesus, he cried out and fell at his feet.

Demon 1: What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!

Narrator: He said this because Jesus has commanded the demons to come out of the man.

Jesus: What is your name?

Demons 1, 2, and 3: Legion.

Narrator: They said Legion, because there were many demons in this man.

Demon 2: Please don’t send us into the Abyss!

Demon 3: Please send us into those pigs over there instead!!

Jesus: Very well, you have my permission to go into the pigs.

Narrator:  When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned.

Village Person 1:  Wow, I’m going to go tell everyone else in the village what just happened!!

Man: Jesus, thank you for healing me!

Village Person 2: Wow, the demon-possessed man is now wearing clothes, and he’s not crazy any more!

Village Person 3: Jesus, please leave us!  We’re afraid!

Jesus:  Ok, I will leave then.

Man: Jesus, can I come with you?

Jesus: No, but go home and tell everyone how much God has done for you.

Man: I definitely will!

Narrator: Then Jesus left the town.

December 4, 2011

Sunday School Skit: Joseph in Egypt Part I

This skit was great for my 4th grade Sunday School class, because there were 11 parts, and almost everyone got to participate.  It’s also great for a teacher who didn’t get any sleep the night before Sunday morning class.

Zanahoria3 and I especially enjoy the seduction scene.  🙂

PDF: Skit – Joseph in Egypt, Part I

Joseph in Egypt
Characters: Narrator, Merchant, Potiphar, God, Joseph, Mrs. Potiphar, Guard, Butler, Baker, Pharaoh, Magician, Wise Man

 Narrator: Joseph’s brothers were jealous, and sold him to merchants.

 (Enter Merchant, Potiphar, Joseph, and God.)

Merchant:  Hi Potiphar, would you like to buy Joseph?

Potiphar: Sure, he can be my servant.  He should like being my servant, because I’m  a very important person in Egypt.  I’m Pharaoh’s officer and captain of the guard.

 (Joseph goes with Potiphar, Merchant exits.)

God: I am going to bless Potiphar’s house, because Joseph is living there.

Potiphar:  I like Joseph, because he’s a really good servant.  I’m going to let him take care of all of my things.

Joseph: Sounds good!

 (Potiphar exits, Mrs. Potiphar enters.)

Mrs. Potiphar: Hm, I kind of like this Joseph… Joseph, do you want to fall in love with me?

Joseph:  It would be a very grave sin against God to fall in love with you!  How could  I hurt Potiphar and sin against God?

Mrs. Potiphar:  Very well, then. Goodbye!

(Joseph exits.)

Mrs. Potiphar:  I am mad at Joseph now, because I didn’t get my way.  Hmmm, I have an idea.

(Potiphar enters, and Mrs. Potiphar goes over to him.)

Mrs. Potiphar: Your servant Joseph came into the house to make fun of me, and when I cried, he ran away.  I’m really upset now.

Potiphar:  I am so mad!  Joseph, come here!

(Joseph enters, and guard enters.)

Joseph:  Hi Potiphar, what’s up?

Potiphar: I am hereby sending you to prison!!

Joseph: What?!  Why??

Guard: Come on, Joseph, let’s go.

(Guard takes away Joseph.  Potiphar and Mrs. Potiphar exit.)

God: Oh dear, Joseph is in prison.  I will bless him even in this bad situation, and I will make the prison guard think well of him.

Guard:  I like Joseph so much that I’m going to put him in charge of all the other prisoners.  But the butler and the baker have offended Pharaoh, so they have to go to prison, too.

(The Butler and the Baker enter and stand with Joseph).

Butler: I had a strange dream last night.

Baker: Me too.

Butler: But we have no one to interpret it for us.

Joseph:  Dreams can come from God, and I can interpret it for you.

Butler: In my dream, there was a vine with 3 branches.  It budded, made flowers, and then grapes grew.  I was holding Pharaoh’s cup and I squeezed the grapes into his cup, and gave it to Pharaoh.

Joseph:  The 3 branches are 3 days.  Within 3 days, Pharaoh will take you out of prison, and you will be his butler again.  You will give him his cup, just as you used to do.

Butler:  That’s awesome.

Joseph:  But when you go back to Pharaoh, please mention me to him, and ask him to get me out of prison.  I was stolen away from the land of the Hebrews, and I didn’t do anything deserving of prison.

Butler:  Ok!

Baker:  Joseph, can you interpret my dream now?

Joseph: Sure.

Baker:  In my dream, there were 3 baskets of bread on my head.  In the top basket, there were baked goods for Pharaoh, and the birds ate them out of the basket on my head.

Joseph:  The 3 baskets are 3 days.  In 3 days, Pharaoh will have you hanged and the birds will eat you.

Baker: Oh, how horrible!

(Joseph, Baker, and Butler exit.)

Narrator:  In 3 days, Pharaoh made a feast for all his servants.  He took the butler out of prison and made him a butler again, and he hanged the chief baker, just as Joseph had said.  Then two years went by.

(Pharaoh, Butler, Wise Man, and Magician enter.)

Pharaoh: I had a strange dream last night.  I was standing near the Nile river, and 7 fat, healthy cows came out of the river and grazed.  After that, 7 thin, scrawny cows came out of the river and ate up the fat cows.

Narrator:  The next night, Pharaoh had another strange dream.

Pharaoh: In this dream, 7 ears of corn came up on one stalk.  Then 7 small, unhealthy ears of corn came up and swallowed the healthy ones.

Magician: I have no idea what these dreams mean.

Wise Man:  Me neither.

Pharaoh: Then who can interpret the dreams for me?

Butler: I have an idea!  I know this guy Joseph that once interpreted a few dreams correctly.

Pharaoh: Send for Joseph!

(Guard enters with Joseph.)

Pharaoh:  Joseph, can you interpret my dreams for me?

Joseph: I don’t have the power to interpret this dream, but God can give you an answer.  It looks like these two dreams mean the same thing.  God is trying to show you what he’s going to do.

Pharaoh: What will God do?

Joseph: The 7 fat cows and healthy ears of corn represent 7 years of great plenty, and the 7 scrawny cows and small ears of corn represent 7 years of famine.

Pharaoh: So what should we do?

Joseph:  You should probably gather extra food during the 7 good years, and then you’ll have this extra food for the years of famine.

Pharaoh:  That sounds like a good idea.  You can be in charge of doing this, and all my people will be ruled by you.

Joseph: Ok! This sure beats prison!

PDF: Skit – Joseph in Egypt, Part I

October 30, 2011

Sunday School Skit: Pharisees and Sadducees

Apparently kids retain a lot more when they do something than when they hear it.  I don’t know if chaotic Sunday School skits actually help them learn, but today I gave it a shot.  At least we had fun!

Matthew 22
Pharisees and Sadducees

Pharisee 1: I don’t like Jesus much – he’s creating trouble.  How can we trap him into saying something that he can be arrested for?

Pharisee 2: I think I have an idea!

(They walk over to Jesus.)

Pharisee 2: Teacher, we know how honest you are.  You teach the way of God truthfully.  Now tell us what you think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?

Jesus: You hypocrites!  Why are you trying to trap me?  Here, show me the coin used for the tax.

Pharisee 3: Here you go. (Hands over the coin.)

Jesus: Whose picture and title are stamped on it?

Pharisee 1, 2, and 3 (together): Caesar’s.

Jesus: Well then, give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.

Pharisee 3: Wow, that was a good answer.

(Pharisees 1, 2, and 3 exit.)

(Enter Sadducees 1, 2, and 3.)

Sadducee 1: I don’t think there’s any life after you die.

Sadducee 2: Yeah, me neither.

Sadducee 3: Let’s go ask Jesus about it.

(They walk over to Jesus.)

Sadducee 1: Hi Jesus, we have a question.

Sadducee 2: What if a woman marries a man and he dies.  And then she marries his brother, and the brother dies.  And so on, until she has had 7 husbands.  Finally, she dies, too.

Sadducee 3: Whose wife will she be in heaven?

Jesus: People aren’t married in heaven.  And haven’t you read the Scriptures?  They explain that God is the God of the living, not the dead.  That means there is life after death.

Crowds: Wow, we’re astonished at Jesus’ teaching.

(Sadducees 1, 2, and 3 exit.)

(Enter Pharisees 1, 2, and 3.)

Pharisee 1: Did you hear that Jesus even won an argument with the Sadducees?

Pharisee 2: Yeah, I think we better go try to trap him again with another tricky question.  Hopefully this time it will work, and he’ll get arrested.

Pharisee 3: I think I have another idea…

(Pharisee 1, 2, and 3 walk over to Jesus.)

Pharisee 3: Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?

Jesus: You must love God with all your heart, soul, and mind.  And the 2nd greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.  The entire law is based on these two commandments.

PDF: Matthew 22 Skit