Posts tagged ‘Rockets’

May 19, 2015

Face The Facts – Episode 28: Houston Rocket Raccoon V

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 Fact: The Houston Rockets advance to the Western Conference Finals for the first time since 1997!

You can read Houston Rocket Raccoon IV here.

The heroes of our tale completed the epic comeback over the menacing Clipauri! They led from start to finish and sent their fallen foes back to LA. Along the way, our heroes fought alongside some new allies. Their new level of trust in each other paid off remarkably on the court, as the Rockets teamed up to put on quite a game 7 show.

 

 

Capt. Pablo, an old war veteran, provided a lot of energy and leadership. Thorence, the god of hairstyle, slammed that basketball with the power of a thousand winds. How sweet it is!

 

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THORENCE: What fine victory my fellow teammates. Let us be merry and celebrate!

IRON A-3-Za: We can go back to my place.

The heroes went back to Iron A-3-Za’s penthouse suite. Rocket Harden kicked off his shoes to relax, trying to just appreciate the moment. DJ A-3-Za put on some Aerosmith:

 

 

HARDEN: So Capt. Pablo, you are like super old right? Like really really really old. How are you still making those plays?

CAPT. PABLO: Mamma-Mia! The truth is-a… I’m-a takin’ da Supa Mario Serum-a. It-sa makin’ me feel-a the young again-a. I’m-a go for steals like-a da ball was a gold coin-a!

THORENCE: Your voice is high and shrill, like that of little girl. It is off-putting, but you are a worthy and brave combatant all the same.

Everything was going well when all off sudden the lights started to flicker. Then there was a loud crash. A mysterious figure loomed in the doorway.

IRON A-3-Za: Hey this our celebration, you need to get hell out of my house!

CULTRON: Where is your fearless leader, Rocket Harden?

HARDEN: I’m right here, ugly. What do you want?

CULTRON: HAHA… it is what you wanted. It is what you all wanted. The MVP award… I’ll take that first!

 

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Now our heroes face their toughest test yet. Cultron and his army of robo-warriors have dominated the NBA on their way to the league’s best record. They were versatile, they had solid defense, and they could score in bunches.

HARDEN: What is the plan Agent Dream?

AGENT DREAM: You need to fo-cass! I once had to go against a top ranked Spurdra team led by David Wolfgang von Robinson after he won my MVP trophy.

HARDEN: What did you do?

AGENT DREAM: I dug deep and became unbeatable. I trusted in my skills and in my teammates. In the end, we prevailed. You are going against a very strong opponent, you will need to be in your finest form. You need to find that clutch gene that is in your DNA, and unleash it on the biggest stage of your career. Kill the boy, and let the Beard be born!

HARDEN: So I need to become unbeatable?

AGENT DREAM: Yes. You will also need some help.

 

 

FALCON JET: Clear the runways, the JET is incoming!

The Rockets travel into enemy territory riding the momentum of their last victory. These guys may be good, but the Rockets know they can beat them. They Believe!

 

Houston Rockets are set to face off against Cultron and the robo-warriors:

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Fact: People that read Vivid Karet should know be aware of how similar the current run is to the OG Clutch City!

The 95 Clutch City team won the first round in 5 games and came back from down 3-1 to win a 7 game series in the semis.They also went against a number one seeded team with the league MVP. Just saying. Hoping the good guys set the tone early and deliver a W tonight. After a great performance in game 7 against the Clippers, I will let Pablo do the honors:

 

CAPT. PABLO: Let’s-a Go!

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May 15, 2015

Face The Facts – Episode 27: Houston Rocket Raccoon IV

Fact – Only 8 teams have come back from 3-1, and that list includes a Houston Rockets team that inspired CLUTCH CITY!

You can read Houston Rocket Raccoon III here.

The series started with the heroes once again defending their home turf, where they have been excellent. They were in good spirits after an expeditious dismantling of their last opponents, but our heroes were quickly humbled. It was clear from the start that their last opponent wasn’t very good, and the Clipauri posed a much greater threat.

They knew they were going against the Clipauri, but they didn’t take a moment to consider how the Clipauri were attacking with such a coordinated vengeance. They were too composed, too well orchestrated. Were the Clipauri capable of this on their own?

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Of course! It was all a power play by Bloki, the god of flop. Bloki came out and inspired his Clipauri to victory. Splitting the home games, our heroes traveled to LA to win back home court. Our heroes needed to step up to match the trickery of Bloki.

BLOKI: Bow before me ants! I am Bloki and I am your ruler. As your great ruler I will command with the power of a Kia Optima, whose 200 horsepower rank it among the best in class in mid-size sedans 2015!

DWERT: I am Dwert?

BLOKI: Silence, it’s time to put a stop to you, much like the Kia Optima’s excellent braking system.

Knowing that they would need help, the Rockets called upon Iron A-3-za. While he came out guns blazing, Houston would still get blown out in both games in LA. Many galactic sporting experts wondered if they were done. There were idiots asking “what are we going to do, man?” Word on the galactic twitter-sphere was this was #chokecity part II.

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BLOKI: We are going to kill you just like the Kia Optima… because it is one killer car!

SMAX: We must stop this murderous mode of transport!!!

BLOKI: What? No… I mean that the car is sick!

SMAX: Should we contact a vehicular health care professional?

BLOKI: Dude… what is wrong with you? This is going to be too easy… like driving a Kia Optima.

The Rockets returned home knowing their backs were against the wall. Behind a stellar performance by Rocket Harden and Iron A-3-Za, the Rockets gave the Clipauri a taste of their own medicine. They needed that win, but it also meant returning to LA where they have not had success.

Smax and Cormora were headed to the team transport when from out of the shadows stepped…

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SMAX/CORMORA: Agent Dream?!

AGENT DREAM: Indeed I am. Smax and Cormora, I need you guys to step up on the court and avenge the losses!

CORMORA: What?! So is this Avengers now? I thought this was a GOTG thing?

AGENT DREAM: I need you to fo-cass! You need to show more heart  on the court, and embody your new alter egos. Cormora, I need you to channel your cat like reflexes and become the Black Mobley. Smax, when you are filled with rage, I need you to fo-cass up and become the hulking Smash!

BLACK MOBLEY: Shouldn’t I be like the black Anderson Silva or the black Katie Couric? Never-mind, I like the digs… this is purrfect… wait NO… please don’t let that be my thing!

SMAX: Smash!

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HARDEN: Okay, great… what about me Agent Dream?

AGENT DREAM: I didn’t become the leader I am today without learning to trust my teammates. Most days, men like us carry them. Sometimes, we need them to carry us. Only when you guys can trust each other and learn to play free as a team, will you attain Clutch City status.

Once again, the Clipauri pounced early. This time the Rockets battled back and it was a close contest at the midway point. It looked like the Rockets had a shot to win it. Then the third quarter of battle began, and Bloki led the Clipauri on an all out assault. The results of which left the Rockets bruised and reeling.

BLOKI: We are up by 19 near the end of the third. We have conquered your spirit! Kneel before your ruler and the Kia Optima’s 24mpg in the city!

SMAX… SMASH: Smash kneels before no flopper!

The forth quarter began… and the Smash was angry!

BLOKI: You dare stand before a God?

The Rockets dared, and they did it behind the hulking might of Smash!

SMASH: Splash! *shoots a three

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They came back from 19 down to not only beat the Clipauri on their home floor, but they lapped them. Dwert performed admirably. Harden cheered on his teammates knowing that they now possessed confidence in themselves to take it to the next level. More importantly he learned that he could trust these headband of brothers to have his back and carry him when he needs it. It was time to roll!

HARDEN: Those guys were right… this is like choke city. And that was our rally game Agent Dream!

AGENT DREAM: You still need to fo-cass… only then can you be unbeatable!

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IRON A-3-Za: Time to take this fight back home!

The heroes return to Houston for an epic Game 7 showdown!

To be continued…

Fact – That was one of the greatest comebacks in Rockets playoff history!

Guys… that was insane! I still cannot believe it. Houston, we get another go at these guys on our home floor! Lets Go! Follow us at @vividkaret for updates on our latest blogs, and you can follow me at @facethefacts22. Until next time, when in doubt, Beat LA!

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May 4, 2015

Face The Facts – Episode 26: Houston Rocket Raccoon III

guardians_of_the_galaxy Fact: This series will be more entertaining than “the fight of our generation.”

You can read Houston Rocket Raccoon II here.

The Houston Rockets stormed into enemy territory, hoping to finish the war. The 3rd match was a spectacular offensive display by both teams. Having lost Parsons the Overpaid, Dirkula and the Mavericks responded with vengeance. He and Monta the Chucker led a furious attack.

However, they simply were not enough against Rocket Harden, who was in particularly splendid form. With help from Cormora, Smax, and all of his other teammates, Harden led the Rockets to a game 3 victory. Dwert did a number on Chandler the Disheartened, completely lighting up the boards.

 

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The Mavericks were able to rally and win game four, but they too would fall prey to statistics. Nobody wins down 3-0… and the Mavericks would soon meet their fate.

 

HARDEN: Let’s go!

DWERT: I am Dwert!

CORMORA: Well, I’m so fancy!

 

 

The Mavericks fell in game five. Dirkula and Monta the Chucker were out-matched. The Rockets were moving on!

CUBAN: I don’t get it… that’s not a very good team over there. How can this happen? We value chemistry! We took their best player!

STAR WOLF: Hey Cubes, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

 

 

Meanwhile, back at Rockets HQ, the Asset Collector admired his magnificent collection. Over the years, the Asset Collector had scoured the galaxy in search of hidden gems and undersized power forwards.

 

 

COLLECTOR: They mocked me, but its working… its finally working!

SMAX: That is a reasonable assessment.

 

 

COLLECTOR: YES! Oh my little assets, you of the efficiently high true shooting percentages!

HARDEN: Bro, take it easy… we’ve still got plenty of games to play.

And the Bearded One was correct… for lurking in the next round was another beast all together. These enemies were without shame, whiners of the highest caliber! They were the Clipauri, and they claimed to be the “digestive system of the playoffs.” They traveled from series to series destroying the will of their opponents with their non-stop complaining and embellishments.

 

The Houston Rockets take on the Clipauri in the Western Conference Semi-finals match up:

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Fact: People the read Vivid Karet love Derby Day.

So the big weekend has come on gone. The Kentucky Derby was a blast and the favorite going in, American Pharaoh, took home the gold. There was an epic game seven between the Spurs and Clippers. Lastly, there was The Fight…

Keep collecting those checks Manny. The favorite won that one as well. You did well in Vegas this weekend betting on the favorite.  I actually got to go to game 3 of the Rockets/Mavs series with my brothers, and it was pretty awesome to get the W. You can follow me as I root on the Rockets @facethefacts22. Until next time, when in doubt… Face the Facts!

April 24, 2015

Face The Facts – Episode 25: Houston Rocket Raccoon II


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Fact – Teams that win game 3 have won their playoff series 100% of the time.

You can read the first Houston Rocket Raccoon here.

The match was underway, and it was an excellent battle between fierce rivals. Led by their fearless leader, Rocket Harden, Houston worked hard to defend their home base against the Dallas onslaught. Cormora was in fine form, wrecking havoc with his fast break attacks. Smaxx, however, was struggling mightily. He made bad passes and was temporarily taken out of the contest.

HARDEN: You need to chill out Smax!

SMAX: It is impossible for me to change my body temperature.

HARDEN: You are letting the refs get in your head.

SMAX: Nobody gets in my head, my skull is hard and impenetrable!

When Smax sat down, Dwert came over and calmed his friend down. He reminded him of how he had his back because Smax was their for him as he went through rehab, and how they had developed great chemistry together. Smax nodded in agreement, thinking that perhaps Dwert was correct, and that he would try to find Dwert on his future passing endeavors.

Dallas, meanwhile continued their barrage. Monta the Chucker fired away against Houston, taking every opportunity to pursue shot attempts. Parsons the Overpaid tried desperately to lead his squad to victory. He addressed his team during a midway recuperation period.

PARSONS: We must crush these puny Rockets so that I may obtain the Heart of a Champion!

DIRKULA: Flop flop flop!

PARSONS: Yes… it will take all of our efforts to destroy Rocket Harden.

The heroes of our tale knew the daunting task that lied ahead. Dallas was making a concerted effort to take down Rocket Harden, but to no avail. Harden decided to go on the offense.

He struck Parsons the Overpaid with a vicious blow:

DIRKULA: Flooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! 

Dirkula promised to avenge his fallen teammate. Alongside Monta the Chucker, Dirkula tried to finish what Parsons the Overpaid had started. Dallas rallied hard and took the lead against Houston. During a time period of the game designated simply as “out,” Harden shared with his team a plan to defend their home turf.

HARDEN: If we want to come back and win, we need to do a few things. Dwert, I need you to assert your rotisserie chicken dominance.

DWERT: I am Dwert!

HARDEN: Star Wolf, I need you to get Cuban to remove Rondo the Pouty from the series.

STAR WOLF: Got it! Also, wasn’t I Star Lor…

HARDEN: And Smax, I need you to stop forcing bad passes. Only pass if it can lead to scoring!

SMAX: Only pass to score points…

The team regrouped on the court, and behind a refocused SMAX, they proceed to smack the hell out of Dallas! He connected with his friend Dwert.

They got em’ over and over again, dunking at will. They were terrorizing the Dallas defense!

Dallas simply did not have an answer. Dirkula was completely bamboozled!

Finally Smax decided to get in on the action and went up to attack Chandler the Disheartened.

Boomshakalaka! They ended defeating Dallas in both contests, and Dallas ran for home as soon as the match was over.

STAR WOLF: Sir, I am going to need to borrow your Rondo…

Star Wolf successfully got Rondo out of the series. Excited that he completed his mission he went to inform Rocket Harden.

STAR WOLF: I took out Cuban’s Rondo the Pouty for you.

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HARDEN: HAH! We didn’t need him out to win the series… I just wanted to see if you would do it!

Winning the first two matches, our heroes head to Dallas to take the fight to the enemy.

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TO BE CONTINUED

Fact – People that read VIVID KARET don’t need life hacks.

Happy 25th episode FTF readers! This is yet another astoundingly arbitrary numerical achievement! I am going to game 3 tonight to root on my beloved Rockets. Hoping for a W for the good guys. You can follow me at @facethefacts22 for  tweets supporting our #pursuit during the playoffs. Thanks for reading, and until next time… when in doubt, Face The Facts!

Go Rockets, lets ride!

April 17, 2015

Face The Facts – Episode 24: Houston Rocket Raccoon

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Fact – This story begins a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…

There were two unlikely bros, a rambunctious raccoon and a playful plant monster, and they traveled the many stars together. The raccoon was named Rocket after his favorite terrestrial sporting team. The plant monster was named Groot because he looked like a giant root. Highly trained in weapons and hand-to-hand combat, these bros mostly used their skills for hustling and scheming. When push came to shove, however, this dynamic duo showed off how potent they were, thwarting numerous space police attempts to catch them. One time they were spotted and had to flee on foot….

ROCKET: Groot, we have to make a break for it… fast!

GROOT: I am Groot!

A space marine tried to tackle the raccoon, who took a long step to the right and a quick step to the left and made the marine whiff completely as he dove. The towering tree tried an evasive spin move, but ended up running straight into the other space marine, knocking him over. Persistent as always and typically proud of his skills, he tried the spin move again, this time taking out three marines.

KNOCKED DOWN BALD MARINE: You need to be more dominant in your spinning, like rotisserie chicken!

Rocket was once again being chased, this time by a rather agile soldier. The raccoon let the marine get close and forced some contact. Suddenly Groot ran up on the Marine’s blind side, and Rocket deftly dodged around his partner. The marine slammed into Groot, and slunk to the floor. The fallen marine blew a whistle to signal for backup, but Rocket instinctively shot him when he heard the sound. As they exited the building, Groot once again attempted a spin move to evade the door… and ran into a wall.

ROCKET: Why do you keep trying to do that? Stick to what you are good at!

GROOT: I am Groot!?

ROCKET: I saw you do it!

Military space academies across the universe would have loved to add these two to their roster. They kept a close eye on these felonious fellas, and maintained detailed files on them. The plant monster had great size and his natural regenerative ability proved he had elite defensive qualities. Defensively he could absorb a lot of enemy firepower, effectively neutralizing a lot of the enemies strategy.  But he kept insisting on going to his awkward spin-move (a move he was unabashedly prideful of) which over time could prove disastrous in battle.

 

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The raccoon, on the other hand, could level a city block with his expert shooting and precise vision. Rocket was also an efficient marksman, accurately sniping enemies off from afar and/or bringing the fight in close where he was deadly. He displayed rare combat awareness, always cognizant of the position of his enemies on the field. But for all his offensive prowess, he proved a liability defensively, being so small with such stubby legs. He also had a lot of facial hair, making it hard to tell if he showed any emotion.

Their skills and talents made them an intriguing pairing, but their weaknesses ultimately made it difficult for the academies to take them too seriously. Which was fine by them–these guys were living the care-free life. The mischievous mammal loved going on great adventures with his enigmatic extraterrestrial buddy.

They weren’t particularly popular and didn’t have many friends, but they had each other. They would take cooking lessons together. They played pick-up ball with the Munstars. One day they were stumbling out of a galactic brothel when they bumped into:

 

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ROCKET: Who are you?

STAR LORD: I am Star Lord!

ROCKET: Who?

STAR LORD: Star Lord… oh forget it. This was a mistake, I’m a lone wolf anyways.

ROCKET: Bro, just tell me and my buddy here what’s up… or get out of the way!

Star Lord hesitated, then proceeded to explain, by means of an elaborate montage, how Rocket Raccoon’s favorite team has been suffering for the past two decades. The fruitful seasons of years past seem like little more than a Dream.

ROCKET: Hey, I love those guys but what can we do, huh? Let’s go Groot!

STAR LORD: Please just watch this.

He inserted in a VHS tape replaying all of the horrendous things that have happened to the Rockets over the years. How they actually thought Pippen would work out. How the talented Tracy ultimately quit on the team. All of the heart wrenching buzzer beaters by their opponents. Drafting RV-bound rookies. But the worst part… all of the injuries:

 

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STAR LORD: They need some help, and you guys have a particular set of skills to do just that.

ROCKET: Does that really translate into basketball? I mean… does that really make sense?

STAR LORD: UH YEAH! Your accuracy, vision, and natural instincts will make you a great basketball combatant.

ROCKET: Fine, what do we do?

STAR LORD: Your mission, if you chose to…

GROOT: I am Groot?

ROCKET: Excellent question Groot… is Ryu really a fan of Hakeem?

STAR LORD: Hell yes! Ryu would go to the arcade, when he wasn’t training for the World Warrior, to play as Hakeem on NBA JAM.

ROCKET AND GROOT: Righteous/I am Groot!

Star Lord explained the mission. He wanted to send Rocket and Groot to Earth to help the Rockets. He had recently acquired a tesseract in the woods, the functionality of which is to serve as a sci-fi catch-all to do seemingly miraculous things without much explanation. In this case, the tesseract could transform them into earth born humanoids and  transport them to Earth. These human bodies would possess their skills and talents.

ROCKET: Wait… so like reverse Space Jam?

GROOT: I am Groot?

ROCKET: So, are you coming with us?

STAR LORD: Yes, but I recently hurt my back fighting off an eagle, so I won’t be able to participate. Are you ready?

ROCKET: Oh Yeah!

After a briefing, they were informed that they would get some team mates. A former athletic beast that had lost popularity with his people, and a thief that loved to smile. They were put into the chamber along with the other two cast offs to go save the Rockets:

 

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When they emerged, they were something completely unique to the universe. These new ballin’ beings decided they needed new names to match their new identities.

RACCOON: My soul hardened when I watch all of those injuries. From now on I shall be know as Harden!

FAUNA FREAK: I am Dwert!!!

HARDEN: Alright Dwert, let’s go save Clutch City!

What happened next was nothing short of astounding. Harden completely took the league by storm. He teamed up with Dwert with their patented escape techniques to perform flawless pick and rolls.  Harden would get you with a little bit of this:

 

 

He would hit you with a little bit of that:

 

 

That little raccoon even showed off some defense!

Over the course of the season, Dwert suffered the same fate as those before him, missing many games with injuries. Without his buddy Dwert, Harden had to carry the load by himself. He put together an MVP caliber season, putting up stats that only Bird and Space Jam famous Jordan have achieved before. He did all of this while helping his buddy rehab.

 

 

Eventually, Dwert healed back up and rejoined the team. His teammates and coaches celebrated his return like it was a birthday party.

MUSIC: *Turn down for Watt

HARDEN: Glad to have you back big guy!

DWERT: I am Dwert!

HARDEN: Wait, you are really going to sacrifice your spin move for the team?

DWERT: I am Dwert!

HARDEN: But you love that move…

DWERT: I am Dwert!

TEAMMATES: *cheering

DWERT: We are Dwert!

Reinvigorated and reloaded, the Rockets powered onwards. These (head)band of brothers continued to charge triumphantly through the season, striving for the ultimate prize… a CHAMPIONSHIP. Despite the injury curse, they persevered and locked in home court advantage for the first round of the playoffs.

Now, with the playoffs at hand, the Harden led Houston Rockets look to take down the Mavericks.

 

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Fact – People that read face the facts are naturally charismatic.

Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed that. So that was the first installment of what I hope will be a continuing series. Klar and I will be doing an NBA playoffs edition of Bro-est Bros You Knows, so keep your eye out for that. I can not tell you how excited I am to watch some playoff basketball. You can follow me on twitter @facethefacts22. Until next time, when in doubt… face the facts!

 

 

GO ROCKETS!

December 1, 2011

NBA Trade Talk

Now that the NBA lock-out is over the trade winds are blowing and threatening to turn into a full-fledged tornado, hurricane, monsoon, or whatever a huge storm is called in your part of the world.  Will Chris Paul go to Boston?  (No)  Is Rondo on the trade-block? (Perhaps)  Is anyone joining Williams in NJ?  (Of course not – why would anyone move to Jersey?)

I don’t care what these other teams are doing – all their machinations are simply futile attempts at remaining relevant.  (What, there’s a team in LA?  Is that where that kid from Oklahoma plays?)  The only teams that matter reside in the great Republic of Texas – The glorious-and-awesome San Antonio Spurs and the pretty-good-in-their-own-right Houston Rockets.

First the Spurs.  Talk started this summer and in recent days has grown to a tsunami of rumors and loud whispers that Oklahoma City has their sites set on acquiring Richard Jefferson from the Spurs.  In return, the Spurs would take on the huge contract of Kevin Durant, who has said that he would love to come home to Texas.  After all, he did burn the nets at UT just a few miles north of San Antonio.  However, such a stupid trade would NEVER happen.  I mean, RJ for Durant?  Why would anyone be so dumb?

Wouldn't he look great sitting next to Timmy at a post-game press conference? Maybe he could carry wine bottles for Pop in his backpack.

The Rockets are also looking to shake up their roster by trading away the overachieving and immensely talented Hasheem Thabeet to the Orlando Magic for the man-child called Dwight Howard.  The expected move to Houston should work wonders on Howard’s post moves as he will be playing next to future first-ballot hall-of-famer LUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIISSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  Unfortunately, like the Spurs trade talk, this trade seems to be only wishful thinking.  Howard will most likely go to the aforementioned team in LA and win like a gazillion championships while the Rockets wallow in mediocrity for years to come.

Just picture this as a practice session. Scola is owning "Superman".