Posts tagged ‘Halloween’

November 1, 2016

Face The Facts – Ep. 34: A Very Vivid Halloween III

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10/31/2015… We chased Cthulhu through the sewers in our new super shiny overalls.

Me: Yo, Broseiden king of the Brocean, you see anything?

Choiloi: Nah, Broseph Brahlin, but it looks like she went through that giant green pipe up ahead.

We ran after the monster, hurdling over a stray 🐢 and… like an animated 🍔? We followed the beast down the winding tunnel.

Me: I’m telling you, Christopher Brolumbus, my Poltergust 5000 would have been able to reach all of the loose change above those pipes.

Choiloi: I believe it, NaBrolean Dynamite.

Me: The vacuum is hauntingly versatile. Wait… I see her, Bromodo dragon!

Choiloi: Music to my ears, Brohan Sebrahtian Brach.

I ran using my super fast speed to catch her. It look like she was going through some warpy/sciencey looking hole. I reached out to grab her but I tripped over my Uggs (haven’t properly broken them in yet) and fell in with the monster.

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Choiloi: Noooo—

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I was flipped upside down… but I wasn’t falling. As I oriented myself, I saw Cthulhu make it to the other side and the warp closed behind her. I looked around using my powers of observation. I was in a dark room with a chair, an intercom, and a projector. It looks like the opening behind me was still there. All of a sudden a scary voice came on over the intercom. Like a demented Siri…

Scary Voice: If you leave, you will traverse back in close proximity to whom you last spoke. While here, you can watch our Sopranos.

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I watched one and thought, hmm… not bad. The next one started and I figured I could watch one more before returning. I mean, how many could there be…

 >>>Present Day<<<

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October 30, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 18 – Happy BRAHloween!

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Bro, do you even lift? Brahptimus Prime does. What’s the point of working out if you can’t show off your guns on Halloween? To help you bros out, BBYK has a few costume recommendations for you this year: sleeveless James Bond, sleeveless Kris Humphries, sleeveless Gandalf, Mark Walhberg… you could also dust off your Bane costume from 2012 (which you totally own). Enjoy our BBYK Halloween Spooktacular!

 

 

Click here to find out what happened to Emotion Al and Doug McDermott!

You can follow us on twitter @broestbros

BBYK is on iTunes.

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October 30, 2015

Face The Facts – Ep. 30: A Very Vivid Halloween II

Fact: Episode 18 of BBYK features many Halloween factoids.

Welcome back to another very special (30th!) edition of Face the Facts, where we bring you all the #thingsthatareawesome.  To be honest, I am not quite sure why you are back. Was not last year’s Halloween tale so terrifying so as to inspire night light installations? Were you not sufficiently warned of the sleepless nights you would have to endure? Are you not haunted by images of a night man knocking on your bedroom door?

I really hope that you are prepared, dear reader. This installment of FTF is sure to be so nightmarish that it could drive you insane. The evil I speak about is very much real and it is unrelenting. It compels me to share this story, and like a curse it follows those that dare to read this. My story tells the truth, but the price of reading honesty may cost you your very soul! Reading this will be like giving yourself goosebumps, and I admire your courage, reader. So go grab a pocket full of change… the troll’s toll is your soul and the night man cometh.

This story begins years after the disaster down under. The world was none the wiser, and I just went about trying to live a normal life. Klar and I decided to continue crime fighting, so we joined the illustrious Texas Rangers.

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Me: Crime better watch out, the eyes of the Ranger are upon you.

Klar: I am quite athletic.

My wife, Zanahoria, started a new job working for NASA. Under her inspiring leadership, NASA embarked on a golden age of discoveries. She launched multiple successful missions to Mars, and they even began a program on Mars to genetically clone and modify fauna to potentially grow there.

Inspired by her awesomeness, I decided to pursue something equally as impressive. I started a podcast with Klar. It was a bro-centric podcast covering a wide range of brolitcal topics with both intelligence and panache. Soon we would become podcasting stars. It was hump day, and I drove to our state-of-the-art studio in DC to record another edition of The Bro-est Bros You Knows.

Me: Feeling good on a Wednesday… alright lets do this! record* HAAAAAP…

I ran over and turned on the t.v. News stations around the world were reporting a lot of missing people. Whole chunks of humanity just up and vanished. Buildings in Washington DC were shown collapsing.

The planet was enveloped in chaos and mayhem. Also, where the F was Klar? I was such a confused cat. I kept watching the screen hoping for clues. All of a sudden:

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It was only on screen for a couple minutes, too fast for the normal viewer to comprehend, but I wasn’t your normal viewer. Using my Ranger powers of observation, I deduced that this was a kaiju. But that haunting face… most curious. It can’t be! Cthulhu was back?!

Me: Oh snapsel-cakes!

I called my wife to make sure she hadn’t been raptured.

Me: Honey buns, are you okay?

Zanahoria: Cut the bullsh*t, humanity is in crisis mode. Get to mission control, now!

An appropriate amount of time later.

Me: I am here, sup bey?

Zanahoria: Shut up. I found Klar.

Me: What the what?!

Zanahoria: I triangulated his position from a tracking device I implanted in him the last time he got lost at a Fall Out Boy concert. Compensating for the space time continuum, my data showed he was on Mars. I guided him to a space telecommunication console, Morpheus style, and we’ve made contact.

Klar: Sup bros?

Me: Sup? You mirin?

Klar: I’m on that next planet ish yo!

Klar/Me: Freak’n N Vibe’n* Freak’n N Vibe’n*

Zanahoria: Cut the sh*t you two. Klar, how did you get to Mars?

Klar: Some giant beast mannaped me and a bunch of peeps and we were escorted onto shuttles and transported here to Mars.

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Zanahoria: What are they doing to you guys?

Klar: Well someone is extracting human DNA from the prisoners and I heard something about using that with the fauna cloning technology here on Mars.

Zanahoria: I figured it out, they are trying to create a clone army!  I am so good at solving problems. Don’t worry Klar, we’ll bring you guys home.

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Me: I am going to need to train a little bit before I conduct a rescue mission. Is that schway?

Zanahoria: Fine. Klar, you need to start freeing the prisoners and prep them for extraction. Do you have any food?

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Klar: No, but there is red poop EVERYWHERE!

Zanahoria: That’s dirt.

Klar: Don’t worry, I’ll science the shit out of it or something.

To stay in shape for the Texas Rangers, I had been training with my mentor Brahptimus Prime. He has been an invaluable sensei, teaching how to deal with things. He even gave me some awesome sunglasses.

Me; Yo, Brahp, lets crush some sets. I need to get a space pump.

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Brahptimus Prime: Now we are ready. Autobots… BRO OUT!

My wife hooked us up with a sick spacecraft capable of flying at extra fast speed.

Me: Alright, all systems go. Hold on to your auto-butt, its going to be a bumpy ride.

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Brahptimus Prime and I made it to Mars and started extracting the prisoners. There didn’t seem to be any type of resistance. No guards or alarms… most curious.

Me: It looks like you kept everyone well fed. Did you grow vegetables with the cloning tech?

Klar: No… even cheddar than that!

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Holy no need for a Cow! Klar created cheese producing plants. Surely this will be huge on Earth.

Me: How did you do it?

Klar: Not sure, I kind of winged it. I didn’t write anything down, so honestly, I couldn’t redo if I wanted to… and I want to.

We got back to Earth, and not a moment too soon. Cthulhu had succeeded with her experiment and had launched a surprise attack on humanity. She now had a legion of clone titans at her disposal. She declared war on America and soon began a siege on Washington DC.

Carl Quintanilla: Since you are running a comic book campaign, how would you deal with a comic book problem like the Cthulhu Crisis?

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In the aftermath of her initial attack, DC had to rebuild itself up quick. With limited supplies, the best DC could do resembled a sort of shoddy rustic Japanese village.

Congress played the Trump card and built a wall around Washington DC, appropriating funds from pothole renovations. Surely this would stop the problem from coming inside.

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In the meantime, Zanahoria, Klar and I decided we needed a plan to stop the kaiju. This wall just delayed the inevitable… a showdown with Cthulhu, the heiress of headaches.

BOOM!

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OH SNAP!

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Our heads pulsated with fear. She was already here and she had torn through the wall! Soon, a scourge of clone-thulus attacked the masses. It was a most frightful sight to behold.

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Me: OH MY LANTA! This is go time, grab your gear!

Klar: I got your back bro!

Zanahoria: I will secure a perimeter around world-famous Dupont Circle. You guys go protect Ben’s Chili Bowl.

Klar: Really? I mean Ben’s is kind of overrated #amirite

Me: No time to argue, we need to move!

Me/Klar/Zanahoria: BYARGH!!!

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There were simply too many clones. No matter how badass we were we just couldn’t take them all.

Me: They seem to be well coordinated, almost acting in unison… most curious. You thinking what I am thinking?

Klar: Ben’s Chili Bowl actually sounds good right now?

Me: No, I think this is a hive mind thing. We take out Cthulhu and the clone-thulus will stop.

Klar: You don’t think I know that? I made cheese plants, I’m a cheesical genius!

I decided we needed more fire power. There was only one thing left to do. I headed towards Mt. Vesuvius to retrieve my Tyrannosaurus Dino-Bot.

Me: Its morphin’ time!

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Brahptimus Prime: That won’t be enough to deal with it.

Me: What else can I do?

Brahptimus Prime: Legends tell of a mystical vivid karet capable of giving he who wields it incredible strength and a voice that could carry a podcast.

Me: You mean like that thing over there?

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I went over and extracted the legendary weapon. A chorus of angels serenaded me from the heavens.

Brahptimus Prime: With the vivid karet you can attain your super-saiyan form. No longer the Red Ranger, you are now Judge Red!

Me: Aww hell yesssshh! I’ve got the power!

I arrived at Mt. Vesuvius and reunited with Buddy Rex. Now we were headed back to DC for an epic final battle.

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The battle raged on back home and the team had managed to get Cthulhu cornered. Zanahoria had successfully defended Dupont Circle. Klar had successfully ordered a half-smoke at Ben’s Chili Bowl.

Klar: Bro, nice digs.

Zanahoria: Meh, the vivid karet logo could use a touch up.

Me: Guys, you will never believe what happened, but I think my podcast is really going to take off now.

Klar: Your voice… such hauntingly beautiful sounds of Americana seem to reverberate through your vocal chords…

Cthulhu: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!

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Brahptimus Prime: Your podcast will totes gain subscribers, but we need to move, now!

Me: The hell-spawn looks to be transforming. Most curious.

Zanahoria: Umm, do you guys remember DC having such rocky terrain?

Klar: Yeah, that’s why they call it Rockcreek Parkway.

Zanahoria:…

Brahptimus Prime: Lets go deal with it, once and for all.

Me: Looks like it is time for a…

HERO SHOT!

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I tangled with the barbaric beast as the others held off the clone-thulhus. Her strength was mighty, her foul breath even mightier. Now in her true form, she battled with urgency and purpose.

Harnessing the power of the one true karet I was able to persevere. I gathered all the ki I could muster, and powered up. I set up the cross with my jab, making sure to be mindful of the takedown. I was just waiting for the right moment…

Cthulhu: Fools! I will be your master! Soon you will all bow to your new president. Like, Steph Curry, I am a true MVP! As in Most. Valuable. President.

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Pacific Rim Battle

Me: Sorry to cut your presidential bid short, but in America we believe in freedom and democracy!

Cthulhu stumbled backwards. The demon creature was weakened from my tiger uppercut of justice.

Brahptimus Prime: Everyone open fire while the hulking heathen is hurt.

We shot the mega maniacal monster with everything we had. Lasers… phasers… we even tried a taser. Bad idea, we flooded Indiana Ave.

*pewpewpew *chabloinkos *kapowee

Cthulhu, badly injured, fell down into the sewer.

Klar: Hey Judge Red…

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Just as I suspected, after Cthulhu went down the other clones fell over as well. They soon disintegrated into foul blobs of mush. We ran up and looked down into the sewers. We couldn’t see anything.

Klar: Looks like we’ll have to go down into the sewers

Zanahoria: You’ll need some overalls to do that Klar. Maybe next time.

This isn’t a bittersweet ending. This is why I warned you reader. For you see, Cthulhu was never found in the sewers. Not sweet… all bitter!

That means that somewhere beneath your feet, lurks a most evil presence. She is coming for you, and she is going to find you. So please reader, go run and tell that. We simply cannot afford another Cthulhu Crisis! Its up to you now reader, Godspeed.

The End?

 

 

 

Somewhere in the sewers*

Klar: Hey bey, I thought you would be here. How do you like my overalls?

Cthulhu: AHHHHHHH!

Klar: Hey I know we didn’t get off on the right foot last time. Like you literally ate my right foot. Remember? Good times.

Cthulhu: AHHHHHHH!

Klar: I brought you some Ben’s Chili Bowl. I added some Martian cheese to give it a kick.

Cthulhu: AHHHHHHH!

Klar: Okay, open wide, ahhhhhAHHHHH!

Cthulhu: gulp*

Happy Halloween from Vivid Karet!

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Epilogue 

After the Cthulhu Crisis, Brahptimus Prime went with me to go return return Buddy Rex to Mt. Vesuvius . Brahp then walked over and took off his shades.

Brahptimus Prime: Keep these for me Judge Red. Here, I have something to show you guys…

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Me: What? All this time it was you T-Rum?

Comtrav: I have some business to take care of in China. I’ll be away for a little bit.

Me: Well good luck over there. I know that you are going to do great things.

Buddy Rex: Yeah be safe, we are going to miss you so mu…

Comtrav: Deal with it!

October 31, 2014

Face The Facts – Episode 12: A Very Vivid Halloween!

Fact – Michael Myers’ mask in the movie Halloween was actually a mask of the great William Shatner.

Welcome to a very special edition of FTF, where we bring you all the #thingsthatareawesome.  This FTF will be very different… very personal. You see, this is a story from my past. It is a story so scary and horrifying I was afraid to share it. Honestly, the memories of my haunting past have come back to me very slowly. I have heard that victims of traumatic experiences repress their memories to cope with the pain. For years I have gone about my life like nothing had happened… but this halloween I can feel an evil presence compelling my fingers to type out and share my story once and for all.

This story is certified #thingsthatarespooky.  I really hope that you, the reader, can handle this.  My story is not for the faint of heart. You will not be judged if you click away, what you are about to read is so scary it could drive you insane. You have been warned. While the story will definitely spook your pants off, my story starts off innocently enough.

Klar and I had just graduated from the University of Design with degrees in Male Modeling. We were at the top of our class, truly some of the most handsome men to ever adorn the halls of UD. We were even voted our classes best best friends. Life was great; we were just two dudes that posed for fashion magazines in underwear that barely covered our dinguses. Learning from Brofessor Zoolander, we dominated our industry. In our free time we played video games, practiced martial arts, and had an all around bromantic time. Life was great.

 

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We got ridiculously good at MMA, and Affection Nate approached us to join the UFC. We had never heard of it, so we declined. In fact Klar and I got so good at martial arts we became honorary Power Rangers. Can you believe that? If I go looking around Mt. Vesuvius, I might still be able to find the Dino-zord that I set free. We were great Rangers, so great that the Air Force approached us about being part of their Top Gun program. Of course we joined (call-signs me = Passion8 and Klar = Emotion Al), and we proudly served our country.

 

 

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We got the chance to flip off a few Russians along the way. Things were going well, and then something happened that changed everything. The Air Force announced they were hiring a civilian consultant… a señorita by the name of Zanahoria. She was gorgeous! She had the most beautiful smile and she proudly wore the hat of her people.

 

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She wasn’t just easy on the eyes. Zanahoria was a straight up bad ass! She told us in our first meeting that she wanted to teach the American military how to “fill in the bleeders!” I was in love. Like floating off the floor, I totally get the Notebook now, in love. This girl was SMOKING!

 

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However, my natural good looks and charm didn’t seem to work on her. She ignored me like she was Jeremy Lin during an Asian Appreciation game at the Verizon Center. I mean she just straight up would not talk to me. Klar went on a reconnaissance mission for me using his Ranger training, and he found out she loved singing.

That was tough, I have a very powerful voice but I wasn’t as musically gifted as Klar, who had a voice that angels stop and listen too. In heaven people say “you have a voice of a Klar.” Being a complete bro, Klar agreed to help me win Zanahoria’s heart and helped me serenade her.

 

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It worked! Zanahoria loved it, and in time she didn’t mind me too much. The three of us would go and do all sorts of stuff together. We would go watch UFC fights (we had no idea it would actually become a “thing”).  We would play bocci on the lawn. We would have late night karaoke jam sessions. We did basically everything together.

 

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It was clear that Zanahoria and I were in love. One day I proposed and SHE SAID YES! We got married that fall. Klar was my best man and Zanahoria’s maid of honor. All of our male models (the ones that survived the tragic gas fight of 2008) and military buddies were in attendance. Even our good friend Capt. Dan was there, collecting second harvest in the background.

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It was a magical ceremony held in the forrest just at twilight.

 

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Through the years, Klar slowly grew envious of my relationship with Zanahoria. He felt like we weren’t spending enough time together. Not one to silently sulk, he told me he was concerned our bromantic days were over. I told him that they would never be over… I swear I heard Zanahoria sigh (in relief I am sure) when I said this.

Klar: but bro, we never hang out any more. Yesterday you watched Project Runway with your wife instead of playing some Playstation with me.

Me: Yeah I know… Amanda totally should have won, she made her own jewelry!?

Klar: Bro, this is what I am talking about. I feel like our bromantic days are over.

Me: No, they will never be over!

Zanahoria: le sigh*

Klar: Gesundheit.

Me: Look bro, let’s take our yacht out on a trip to Australia. Just us dudes! Maybe we can find you a girl down under!

Klar: I am so jacked for this!

Zanahoria: Seriously?!

I am pretty sure she meant “seriously, you guys should do this.” Totes…

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So we took our boat, the S.S. Vivid Karet, and we headed for Australia. It was an awesome trip. We got our tan on, jet skied, and got to surf on a whale or two. It was just like old times, we were having the most bromantic trip. When we reached Australia, we made plans to hit up a beer tasting and then go scuba diving. Our boat was just about to dock in Sydney when all of a sudden:

 

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Chtulhu showed up out of no where and started wrecking the city. The HORROR! It was pure madness, Chtulhu just stomped around destroying the city. Every once in a while she would rear up and make a high pitched “AHHHH” scream of terror. Klar and I looked at the devastation from a window on our boat.

 

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Me: Are you thinking what I am thinking?

Klar: Aim for the bushes!?

Me: No… it is time to use our Ranger powers to do good.

Klar: You are right, let’s go battle Chtulhu.

Me/Klar: IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME!

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We morphed and called on the power of the Dino-zords to defeat Chtulhu. We had given up our days as Rangers long ago, but it looked like the world was going to need us to save the day one more time. We powered up and soon, operating the Zord felt like second nature. We headed out to water to draw Chtulhu away from the city. She ran towards us and leapt at our Zord!

 

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I won’t be able to accurately describe what happens next. Consider this merely a tribute to the GREATEST BATTLE IN THE WORLD! Chtulhu would attack and we would counter. It was back and forth. We relied on our expert training to throw some roundhouse kick-photon torpedo combinations. We were using our extra extra fast speed. Klar and I were highly skilled but the might of the beast was frightening. She pierced the air with her shrieks of terror. She rapidly waved her tendrils at us. She possessed a hideous face with sinister features. A most horrifying creature…

 

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Klar: She is incredibly cunning, she keeps pinching my side of the Zord… she must know I am ticklish.

Me: This is our most epic battle yet, better than any fictitious bar fight could ever be.

Klar: I am proud to be your partner, you can be my wingman anytime

Me: Bullshit, Zanahoria can be my wingman anytime

Klar: but….

Me: Sike! I meant “bullshit, you can be mine.”

Klar: wait does that still work… like maybe I should say my line about you being my wingman again and then you can say your line and then it will…..AHHHHH!

 

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Cthulhu had managed to grab a hold of us… we were doomed. I had to think fast. There was only one thing left to do:

 

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Me: BLUE STEEL! 

It worked! Chtulhu was subdued and we called our friends from the Navy to come get her and treat her at NIH. I was sure with treatment she wouldn’t be so terrifying. They brought a carrier and were set to haul her back to the States.

 

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Klar was afraid that they would experiment on her and stuff. He said that he heard of it on the news or twitter or something. I told him that we would have to have faith that people with medical degrees were much better equipped to handle this than we were after being briefly “educated” by social media. He didn’t seem convinced, and went off. We are not sure but somehow Chtulhu revived and broke free!

 

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I didn’t want to do this to you, reader. I know that the story was a lot to take in, but I am afraid the scariest part hasn’t even come yet. You see, Chtulhu was never caught after she escaped. The military officially does not recognize her existence.  Sidney’s destruction was blamed on a tsunami. The citizens were Men In Black “flashy thinged.”

This is why nobody knows of this horrifying event except for me. At any moment she can strike, leaving mass hysteria and devastation in her wake. If you are reading this, it is your duty to share this with everyone you know. My story is the key to saving the entire human race. Please, don’t let this happen again. As for Klar…. I never heard from Klar after we got back to the States. I tweet at him every once in a while, hoping he will tweet back. If you see him, tell him Choiloi would be his wingman anytime.

 

 

 

Epilogue –

 

 

 

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Klar: Hey bey!

Chtulhu: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Klar: It’s ok… I know you are scared, but I won’t let them take you.

Chtulhu: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Klar: Look I get it , you are hungry… you want meal?

Chtulhu: AHHHHHHHHH!

Klar: Look don’t worry, I am going to help you… AHHHHHH!

Chtulhu: *gulp

 

 

 

 

 

 

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October 31, 2014

Your Friday Jam: Happy Halloween!

We’re kicking it old-school today with this radical Halloween jam.  And no, it’s not Thriller.  Don’t eat too much candy tonight, kiddos, and watch out for a nightmare on your street.

Booooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!