Posts tagged ‘fantasy football’

November 5, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 19 – Mr. Bucket vs. One Punch Man

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It was a cool crisp fall night in beautiful Washington D.C. The adults were enjoying adult conversations and the kids were all tucked in. All of a sudden, a loud racket begins to swell up in the Cathedral Heights neighborhood.

*some Pitbull song

Mr. Buckets: Ayo, let’s get it turnt up in the ma’f ya-no-wud-I’m-say’n? Mr. Buckets!

 

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Mr. Buckets was fresh out of prison thanks to a brilliant settlement negotiated by Michael Donovan. He moved in with his dad, and then he had Michael Donovan negotiate an eviction of his dad.

Armed with a little royalty money from Milton Bradley and a penchant for putting things in his mouth, Mr. Buckets proceeded to spend all of his money on drugs and Draft King. He spent many nights getting hammered and/or schwasted. He was caught in a vicious cycle of trying to “get on this level,” “not being on this level,” and once again trying to “get on this level.”

 

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One Punch Bro was a humble guy that lived in an apartment complex across the street. During the day he worked out and stocked up on protein powder when they went on sale. At night he fights crime… when he feels like it. He had recently gotten into vigilante justice, but purely as a hobby.

Usually he wouldn’t bother someone for playing a little music, but on this rather cold evening, he wanted to get up and move around. He hadn’t quite made it to 10 km that day, and didn’t want the day to pass by without him completely finishing his fitness routine.

Mr.Buckets: I pounded an entire  six pack! Bottles and all!! Mr. Buckets!!!

One Punch Bro: Can you keep it down? Some of us have to get up in the morning and do 100 push-ups.

Mr. Buckets: Screw off bro, I’m Mr. Buckets! I do what I want! MR. BUCKETS!!

 

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Mr. Buckets: NOOO! Not the moneymaker bro! Look, I challenge you to an erk’ erk’ rap battle. Put up er’ shut up little ma’f. I ain’t fronting neither, I always put my balls where my mouth is.

 

One Punch Bro:  

 

 

 

 

Mr. Buckets: rapping*

You think that you’re cool just because you are new?

Well, news flash Clark Kent, nobody knows you.

There are commercials about me, I’m kind of a big deal.

You look like your hair couldn’t afford it’s next meal.

Mr. Buckets keeps it one hundo… always keeping it real.

Like seriously, why you dressed like caped April O’neal?

You should’ve known coming in, that I’m buckets of fun,

So go back to bed… you got served, son.

 

Mr. Buckets: Erk Erk *inaudible ya mean. Yo next ma’f!

 

One Punch Bro: ok… rapping*

Once again my hopes were up and I thought you’d be beast mode.

Turns out, the mode you had, was preset to “eat chode.”

I am so overpowered, zero losses is my main stat.

You’re a pedo-douche with jaundice… you should really have that looked at.

I’ve beaten guys with just one punch, I beat you without throwing,

It must literally suck to have a face thats keeps on blowing.

From my verbal one-two you’ll need more than a stitch,

so be mindful of your neighbors, you broke bucket b****!

 

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Who wins? You decide!

The Bro-est Bros reunite after the harrowing events of the Cthulhu Crisis (find out more here). The fantasy guru’s fantasy returns from his unwillful trip to Mars to bring you even cheddar fantasy football advise.

BBYK is proud to present a follow up to their single “Into Tight Ends,” with the catchy “Mr. Buckets.” Their EP Describing David will be dropping soon, so stay tuned.

BTDubs, the bros had a pineapple because of a successful attempt at making Bun Bo Hue. You know, the Vietnamese soup you actually like but isn’t as easy to remember/say like pho. Yup, that one.

You can follow us on twitter @broestbros

BBYK is on iTunes.



 

October 23, 2015

Mad Max: Shiner Bock Road III

Mad Max: Shiner Bock Road II

The race for Shiner Bock gold rages on, and there is absolutely no rest for the weary. The league leader, The Confessor, aimed to stay undefeated. Despondent Dave on the other hand wanted to end his losing streak.

Bloody Mayhem was fresh off of a win and ready for his next victim. Vexed Viet and his Australian Cattle Chinchilla-Dog wandered forward, knowing it was going to be a war going against Bloody Mayhem.

Bloody Mayhem: Rugby rugby lovely day!!!

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Bloody Mayhem came blazing into the contest, Ensign Eifert in tow. He was very confident, riding an impressive winning streak. His team was a goon squad, both intimidating and relentless. Led by Bombardier Brady and the mad scientist, Dr. Brown, they wrecked havoc on the league.

They rushed forward at Vexed Viet, ready to do anything to serve their bloody master.  Those were some maddeningly obedient fantasy football killing machines.

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The battle raged on, and it was apparent that Bloody Mayhem meant business. When Captain Falcon Julio had a quiet game, Vexed Viet knew he had to act fast.

Vexed Viet: Hey Brahptimus, I could use some help Bro.

Brahptimus Prime: Here, borrow these to help you deal with it.

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Vexed Viet: Are those Oakleys? Schway!

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Brahptimus Prime: You’ve got the poweeeeeer!

Vexed Viet quickly gained control of the match behind the brilliant game of Hopkins and Brahptimus’s shades. He roundhouse kicked (Walker Texas Ranger style) Bloody Mayhem in the face, knocking his goggles clean off!

Bloody Mayhem: Zounds! Pigs will fly before I fall to you!

Vexed Viet: BM, you look ill. I have a diagnosis for you.

Vexed Viet – 243

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Bloody Mayhem – 168

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Vexed Viet: It looks like you have swine flu.

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It was a mad week!  Sapulpa Star got his first victory of the season. (What the mess?!) Behind a strong team filled with stars like Riley Cooper and Reggie Wayne, he showed just how unlucky No skill all Luck really is. Sapulpa Star was quite proud of himself after his surprising accomplishment.

Sapulpa Star: I am quite proud of myself.

No skill all Luck: I need to borrow some skill from Holo Molos.

Holo Molos: Oh-my-lanta! I’m not in the league anymore, but I will help you out if I can borrow some Bevo Bucks.

No skill all Luck: trade declined*

Bro-est Bros: Now that is an example of proper fantasy trading etiquette.

Despondent Dave was also victorious, proving that there are some things Finerthana49er. He couldn’t contain his euphoria. He started to wiggle, just subtly at first. Then he straight up started to dance it out to his victory jam.

Despondent Dave: You gotta let me know… are we human… or are we dancer? freakin’ n vibing*

Nothingfinerthana49er: Slow your body roll Dave… I’m still up on you in the standings. #burn #betterthanyou

The most notable victory of the week was by Best of the Bridges, who beat the league leading The Confessor and ended his undefeated streak.

The Confessor: I must confess, I didn’t see that coming.

Best of the Bridges: Oh cry me a Rivers.

The Confessor: sniff*

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After his great win, Sapulpa Star climbed up zero spots to last place. The Confessor settled into second, waiting for the opportunity to strike again for the top spot.  The race is about to hit the midway point, and Vexed Viet is back in the driver’s seat. He could just taste that Shiner Bock gold!

Despondent Dave: Holy Favre tat brah!

Brahptimus Prime: Hey BM, does your back keep texting pictures of your junk to sideline reporters?

Vexed Viet: Yeah, do you buy relaxed fit jeans for your back?

Vexed Viet/Brahptimus Prime: bro dap*

Bloody Mayhem: My back tattoo was from my homer days. I’m not a homer anymore, so the joke is on you!

Vexed Viet: Nice comeback. Was that your back’s idea?

Bloody Mayhem: Stop bringing Favre into this, cruel man! I’ll get you next time around…

James Starks: Maybe play me next time around.

Bloody Mayhem: STFU Starks! Ahhhhh! Curse you and your ridiculous luck, Vexed Viet!

Vexed Viet: BM, I have some advice for you…

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Vexed Viet and Buddy continue on their path towards the ultimate prize, the Shiner Bock Trophy! With everyone now gunning for him, his spot at the top is not safe. The competition is heating up and each match up becomes more and more important. Who is mad enough to make it to the end?

Fact – People that read Vivid Karet are good natured and generous.

I know this isn’t a Face the Facts, but I just wanted to take a quick respite from the trash talking to call attention to something important. Chris Lyon (Bloody Mayhem) is a good friend of ours, and what he lacks in fantasy football prowess he more than made up for by bravely serving our country with the Marines. His wife is currently battling Lyme Disease, and if you or any of your loved ones have gone through this, you know what a tough road this is for him and his family. Please check out my buddy’s site to find out more about their story and information on ways you can help.

Happy Friday!

October 21, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 17 – Brahptimus Prime!

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Here at Bro-est Bros, we have noticed an epidemic spreading across this beautiful country. There has been an outbreak of whiners here in our beloved land of the free and home of the brave. As patriots, we believe it is our duty to campaign against those that complain. Here at BBYK, we turn whining into winning, one slap at a time. To help us out, we brought in BRAHptimus Prime to help you guys DEAL WITH IT!

Virtual Complainer: The weather is soooooo cold. I hate how cold it is all the time now!

BRAHpitmus Prime: Dress appropriately and you should be fine, bro. The month’s name even warns you as you get closer to winter that it’s about to get cold. That is why the last four months end in burr. Deal with it!

Virtual Complainer: OMG reading through all of these facebook statuses are so annoying. Nobody cares about your political views or what you had for lunch!

BRAHptimus Prime: Actually, nobody cares about your whining. Sharing opinions and experiences with like-minded individuals is exactly what social networks were intended for. Also, you have the technological option of ignoring/blocking their updates… so if you are reading them you are both whiney and lazy. Deal with it!

Virtual Complainer: Mondays suck!

BRAHptimus Prime: No, you suck. You had all of Sunday to rest and mentally prepare yourself for this day. If anything Wednesday sucks. It feels like Friday… but you are only halfway their. Deal with it!

Virtual Complainer: You used the wrong there ^ there. It drives me insane when people mix that up on the internet!

BRAHptimus Prime: Need some more cheese with your whine? When you are on your deathbed, you are going to regret all of the time you wasted obnoxiously correcting internet typos. Unless of course you actually taught someone who really didn’t know the proper use, in which case… dope, bro.

Virtual Complainer: I got surprise-attacked by Megatron. This sucks monkey noodles!

BRAHptimus Prime: When attacked by Megatron, one shall stand and one shall fall. You must do what I do…

DEAL WITH IT!

Virtual Complainer: Aren’t you sort of complaining about complainers?

BRAHptimus Prime: Psh! Psh! Psh! You know what? Either you can deal with it or you…

Virtual “trying-to-be-less-of-a” Complainer: Also, I keep losing in fantasy football…

Well we have you covered there, bro! The Bro-est Bros hook you up with some advice to help you deal with it week 7 in fantasy football. The Bros also cover some fantasy sport rules and etiquette so you won’t ever be “that guy.”

Bonus content:

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Great Scott, today is Back to the Future Day! Here at BBYK we recommend you go out and purchase a hover board. Order a tiny dehydrated pizza. Steal a kid’s scooters.

Look Calvin Klein, the world is your Delorean. Shoot, go trick someone into driving their car into a pile of manure (manure!) if that strikes your fancy. You can even contemplate where you are in life relative to when you first watched BTTF. Now that is heavy.

This is so totally brah-some.  To think, this is the point in the future that Doc and Marty visited in the movie.  Wait…

Oh flux

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Yup… deal with it!

Check out the last BBYK here!

Tweet us your fantasy questions @vividkaret or leave them in the comments below.

BBYK is on iTunes.

October 14, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 16 – Walker: Texas Ranger

Blue Jays vs Rangers
Series tied 2-2
Game 5, 4:07 PM on FS1
Rogers Centre, Toronto, Ontario
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Cole: Hey Chuck, if you are in, like, the spiritual realm due to intense meditation…

Silence*

Cole: Well if you can communicate with me telepathically… well I could sure use a pep talk.

Chuck: You don’t need a pep talk from me. This is why the Rangers recruited you. This is your moment. If you have issues with that I suggest you should reach out to Eminem.

Cole: No, I am fine with the moment. Look, I just thought you could give me some words of wisdom, one Ranger to another.

Chuck: Look once you become a Texas Ranger, not only do you get access to my personal Total Gym, you become a black belt in badassitude. You want the W, get up and be a badass.

Cole: So just be badass?

Chuck: Yup, and it is easy. You just wake up, eat Wheaties and crap blue jays. You are a Ranger, son. Now, go give those Canadians hell!

Cole: The team is actually a cornucopia of nationalities..

Chuck: Team is based in Canada, still sucks.

Cole couldn’t agree more. Inspired by apparition Norris, Cole set off to channel his inner Chuck! It was time to round house kick these Blue Jays in the face! WITH COWBOY BOOTS!!!

Cole: Game on.

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The Bro-est Bros cover week 5 fantasy football, and hook you up with some advise that can help you come out victoriously in week 6. BBYK also talks about some Bro drama so crazy you won’t believe what Emotion Al has to say about it. The Bros also talk about the MLB Playoffs.

Check out BBYK’s fantasy football week 5 episode.

Tweet us your fantasy questions @vividkaret or leave them in the comments below.

BBYK is on iTunes.

October 7, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 15 – Good Guy Mintz!

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The Bro-est Bros you know love to highlight true American bros! This week’s brocast honors Chris Mintz and his brave actions in Oregon. If more people had this guy’s American-do spirit, the world would be a much better and safer place.

Here at BBYK, we are all about taking bad songs, and making them cheddar! So if you haven’t been doing so hot in your fantasy football league, no worries bro, we got you. The Bros dive right into fantasy football week 5, and the fantasy guru’s fantasy is in the house to give you the leg up on the competition. The Bros also highlight some of the action from UFC 192.

Check out BBYK’s fantasy football week 4 episode here.

Tweet us your fantasy questions @vividkaret or leave them in the comments below.

BBYK is on iTunes.

Check out the latest update on the bro-est league here!

October 2, 2015

Mad Max: Shiner Bock Road II

Mad Max: Shiner Bock Road I

After Vexed Viet easily dismantled Despondent David week one, he looked at the rest of the competition and thought to himself, self, this is some stuck in the mud competition. There wasn’t one challenger bad enough to mess with Vex. He was going to run away with the championship!

Despondent David: I am just really into tight ends!

Vex Viet: STFU Dave!

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That was when Despondent Dave, despicable dude that he is, resorted to being Distracting Dave.

Distracting Dave: Hey, uhhh… check out fantasy baseball, brah. You are about to get beat! Yeah boy! Ultimate fantasy sport, obvi! You ain’t bout getting on this level!!!

Vex Viet: Get the F off me Dave!

Bloody Mayhem: Farve you Dave!

Best of the Bridges: You aren’t even even in the top 3 of Bridges. (Golden Gate, Ponte Vechio, Steven)

Yeah, life was lonely at the top, but Vexed Viet was fine with that. He brought the numbers. Nobody puts up numbers like he does. People circle the calendar the week they get to play Vexed Viet. It is the best experience of their pathetic lives.

When they get to play against Vexed Viet, they go home and tell their wives “we’ve made it!” There wives would weep tears of joy. He would be the magnanimous leader Despondent Dave never could be. He would be their Brolosopher King.

Confessor: Time to confess…

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Vexed Viet: What the sh** dude!

Confessor: I am captain now.

At some point, after Vexed Viet left week 2 following the loss to Confessor, he encountered an Australian Cattle Chinchilla-Dog. He took it into his care and it became a faithful companion of his. He and “Buddy Dog” would be best friends on the road to the Shiner Bock Trophy. His new friend helped him turn things around for week 3.

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Confessor is still firmly at the top of the league. Bloody Mayhem is nipping at his heels, not too far behind.

Bloody Mayhem: Rugby rugby rugby Valhalla!

Nothingfinerthana49er is on a winning streak despite never playing her highest scoring players. Best of the Bridges is keeping pace, currently placing higher than Despondent Dave. Despondent Dave, well, he is just really into tight ends.

No skill all Luck is having no luck this season and Sapulpa Stars is proving that being a star from Sapulpa is like being a big turd fish in a small turd pond… regular ol’ king of dookie hill (also Reggie Wayne isn’t even in the NFL anymore). Regardless, the competition is fierce, with the ultimate prize of Shiner Bock glory still up for grabs.
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Vexed Viet: Let’s go, it’s just you and me Buddy Dog!
To be continued…
September 23, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 13 – American Broletariat

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Here at BBYK, we love us some ‘Merica. In fact, the alarm that wakes us up every morning is the sound of a bald eagle souring over the majestic Rocky Mountains. That’s why we are fans of fellow bro, John Cena, whose patriotism just red, white and blue us away.

In honor of all that makes America great, BBYK is here to talk about something very American. That’s right, American Football!

The bro-est bros talk fantasy football week 3, review Borderlands Handsome Jack Edition, and give a quick American history lesson. Fizz Ikkel stops by the studio to drop some… uhh… “fantasy” knowledge.

Check out the epic representation of the Bro-est Fantasy Football League.

Tweet us your fantasy questions @vividkaret

BBYK is on iTunes.

September 17, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 12 – Attack on Fantasy Football!

Bros, it is time to gear up for week two! Here at Bro-est Bros, we know that many of you are hurting for some help after some major injuries hit the league in week one. Perhaps you lost a star wide receiver (cough* Dez Bryant cough*) that was playing against giants. Well no worries, Ami-BROS, we have got you covered.

Look we understand that it can be daunting when you look up at your opponent’s lineup and see Odell Beckham Jr. against the lousy Falcons secondary. Or when you see that they have Aaron Rodgers against Tampa Bay’s efense…

Don’t sweat it, BBYK has your plan of Attack! Not only will BBYK help you with bro-vice on players you should avoid playing for week two, the Bro-est Bros also cover some free agents on the waiver wire that can be TITANS in your week two line-up.

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BBYK will be doing a fantasy football podcast weekly during the NFL season, so for all of you fantasy football needs, concerns, and desires… keep it tuned to BBYK.

Check out the epic representation of the Bro-est Fantasy Football League.

We are excited to debut BBYK’s first song (starts at 24:24) “Dave is into tight ends.”

Follow us on twitter @vividkaret

BBYK is on iTunes.

September 10, 2015

Mad Max: Shiner Bock Road

 

In the distant past, the year 2013, there existed a most vile example of human filth, Immortan Dave. He terrorized the fantasy landscape with unmatched brutality. He was a merciless tyrant with a love for sperm-based euphemisms. He took what was a lush paradise and transformed it into a barren desert.

He outlawed women. The men were forced to be shirtless for his sick enjoyment. They even had to dye their skin white because he was uncomfortable with minorities. Surely 2013 will be remembered as the dark ages of the White Castle Fantasy Football League.

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He continued his mad rule, securing the most precious commodity in all the land… the running back. He stocked his team with this very rare asset and sat back to enjoy the ensuing chaos. Ask yourself reader, have you ever played Montee Ball thinking he would help your team?

By the time you wised up to the fact that Montee sucks Ball(s), Immortan Dave had already picked up CJ Anderson. He dragged the league down to the furthest depths of madness. He paraded his running backs in front of the league, declaring…

Immortan Dave: I have too many running backs to play them all. Anybody interested in a trade?

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Immortan Dave: Sike! All your running backs are belong to me. I’ll just let you watch them on my bench!

The League: Dude, you are such a douche.

The members of the White Castle League didn’t know what to do. Some even stopped having a will to win.

Sapulpa Stars: I have stopped having a will to win. Just let me keep Reggie Wayne and I’ll call it a season.

Bloody Mayhem: Rugby rugby packers rugby rugby aaron rugby packers rugby rugby FARVE YOU, Dave!

The Confessor: Bloody Mayhem is right, the tyrant must be dethroned.

The league now knew what needed to happen. In a crazy fantasy world, only the mad survive!

Vexed Viet: grunts* Dave must go down.

Final

(1) Vexed Viet 198

(2) Triumphant Davids166

 Even a god tyrant can bleed.

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The laws changed. Women were allowed in the league. Bloody Mayhem had an unbelievably good draft. Sapulpa Stars had a believably bad one. Team Face The Facts and Scared Hitless fielded competitive teams. Nothingfinerthana49er, true to form, drafted a bunch of 49ers.

There is an air of hope and optimism among league members, and the White Castle League is set to have the most epic season yet. The motto for the League this year… #downwithdave.

Vexed Viet: You should be despondent, Dave. I am coming for you!

 

 

 

To be continued…

 

September 2, 2015

Bro-est Bros You Knows – Ep. 11 – The Good BRAHmaritan

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It is indeed a bro new world, and with that comes a bro new set of challenges to conquer. One such challenge that every bro must face is Fantasy Football. Don’t think you have what it takes to win? Think you are riffraff, just a street rat? We don’t buy that. If only you’d look closer. When the guys in your league want to rip you open and take you back, you have got to take a hint and you’ve got to face the facts. BBYK has got your back.

That’s right, the football season is upon us, and all the other bros around the country are getting ready with their eyes on the virtual prize… winning their fantasy football league. If you want to up your game, keep it tuned in to BBYK. The Bro-est Bros have got you covered for all of your draft day concerns with fantasy advice straight from the fantasy guru’s fantasy.

BBYK also drops some wisdom with their rendition of the parable of the good Brah-maritan. You’ve may have heard of the bro bible, but this is more like the actual Bible, interpreted by bros. Truly brofound stuff.

You can follow us on twitter @vividkaret

BBYK is on iTunes.

Here is a link to the Downtown video referenced in the podcast featuring the brotastic Macklemore and the epic Foxy Shazam.