Bro-est Bros You Knows – Episode 9 – BROzen

newcreate

frozen-background

*Special guest star Phil Sickle fills in for Emotion Al as the Bro-est Bros you knows talks about the much anticipated Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (now on iTunes). Before we get to that, BBYK recently stumbled upon a script for a more male-centric Frozen. Please enjoy both the brotastic script and our latest BBYK podcast! 

Featuring:

Emotion Al as Brolaf the bro-man

Phil Sickle as Danna the annoying one

Passion Nate as Elsbrah, the Bro King of Brahendale

Deep in the mountains of Norwegian-ish-land, lies the charming city-state of Brahendale. This polis was ruled by a benevolent monarch, King Elsbrah. Brahendale prospered under Elsbrah’s leadership, becoming the region’s 4th largest supplier of artisnal ice.

From the outside, Elsbrah looked poised, regal and reserved, but in reality, he lived in fear as he wrestled with a mighty secret—he was born with the power of BRO! It’s a beautiful ability, but also extremely dangerous. Haunted by the moment his magic nearly killed Danna, his annoying friend, Elsbrah has isolated himself, spending every waking minute trying to suppress his growing bro-ness.

One day, Danna comes by and tries to get Elsbrah to hang out.

Frozen Font

Danna: knocks*

Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I never see you anymore,
Come out the door,
It’s like you’ve gone away.

We used to be best buddies,
And now we’re not,
I wish you would tell me why!

Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn’t have to be a snowman…

Elsbrah: STFU Danna!

Danna:….

Elsbrah: Wait, sorry…it’s that time you know.

Danna: Cutting?

Elsbrah: Yeah, and I just took like 4 scoops of pre-workout. starts singing*

Do you want to be a bro, man?
Play beer pong and corn-hole?
I think its time we have some brews,
Lets chug a few,
then workout and get SWOLE!

(Hang in there, Danna)

You will feel a little shaky,
Holding that plank,
Just watching the hours tick by…
(Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock)

Danna: starts singing*

Elsbrah, I crushed some dips on this chair
People are asking how I got so slim
They say, “lookin’ good,” and I’m trying to,
Perfect dancing moves
So full of win!!!

We only have each other
It’s just you and me
What are we gonna do?

Elsbrah/Danna: Do you want to be a bro, man?

Frozen Font

The bro-down triggered Elsbrah’s magic, accidentally setting off a bro-pocalypse that he couldn’t stop. He feared he was becoming a monster and that no one, not even Danna, could stop. He retreated to the mountains to center himself and become zen. Everything he touched along the way became bro. He accidentally turned two rocks into kegs and a rabbit into Eminem.

Below, in the town of Brahendale, the bro-ness had reached critical mass and shifted to douchey. Starbucks replaced their mugs of coffee for protein shakers of muscle milk. People wore bro tanks to work. The townsmen would walk around yelling out obscenities and then half apologizing, to no one in particular.

All of the towns new borns were named Brad or Ryan or David. V-necks kept getting deeper. Bronzer was added to the sprinkler systems. Shia Labeouf replaced Jon Taffer on Bar Rescue. Now the show is just some decepta-douche telling a bunch of douchey tavern owners to “do it!” Water fountains were replaced with Jaeger fountains. The entire town was obsessed with getting “on this level” and/or “getting amped!”

It was getting dark and Elsbrah started a fire, turning a pebble into a brotastic fire pit. Channelling his inner chi, Elsbrah meditated before the campfire by his cave-ish abode. Suddenly a giant rat appeared before him.

Elsbrah: Bro, who are you?

Giant Rat: I am Master Splinter! You seemed troubled my son. What weighs so heavily on your heart?

Elsbrah: I got some poo on my top-siders. Also, I set off a bro-pacalypse with my bro powers. Now everyone is abusing the bro code in the name of being bros… but they are just being douchey. I mean, like St. Augustine of Hip-bro once said, “bro-ness in moderation.”

Master Splinter: Maybe you should tell this to the citizens of Brahendale.

Elsbrah: Yeah, but why would they listen to a king that can’t control his own bro-ness. I mean I climbed atop a snowy mountain and I only grabbed a bro tank… and I have like 12 North Face jackets!

Master Splinter: You must balance your inner bro with your inner zen. Only when you achieve Bro-zen will you find peace.

Elsbrah: How do I control my inner bro?

Master Splinter: You don’t control it, you just let it… bro.

Elsbrah: Let it bro?! Thanks fiery apparition Master Splinter… I know what I must do now!

Elsbrah began to do the most bro thing ever… he serenaded nature!!!

Frozen Font

Polos worn tight in the city tonight, along with Affliction skinny jeans.
Now I’m a monster in isolation,
a real life Yellow King.
I know that sounds racist for what it implied,
True detective reference;
Well, at least I tried…

Time to get swole,
Time to be free
Be jacked like Dwayne Johnson on TV,
Sing to Seal; the feels,
Got to let them know,
It’s time to BRO!

Elsbrah: Bro, what was up with that? They like stopped me mid-song to talk about comic book movies!

Master Splinter: Dude, I’m a giant rat that mastered martial arts by reading a pamphlet someone threw into the sewer… none of this makes any sense.

Elsbrah returned to Brahendale and turned everything back to normal with amazing brofficiency. He had achieved BROZEN level MASTERFUL.  He shared with the citizens of Brahendale the lessons he had learned from Master Splinter up in the mountains. Now the people wear their bro tanks underneath their suit and tie.

*A broaf-ish figure descends upon the King.

Brolaf: Sup brahs!

Elsbrah: Who the hell are you?

Brolaf: Remember that poo you stepped in? Yeah… so…

Danna: Are you a real life bro-man?

Brolaf: STFU Danna!

Frozen Font

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: