Face The Facts – Episode 27: Houston Rocket Raccoon IV

Fact – Only 8 teams have come back from 3-1, and that list includes a Houston Rockets team that inspired CLUTCH CITY!

You can read Houston Rocket Raccoon III here.

The series started with the heroes once again defending their home turf, where they have been excellent. They were in good spirits after an expeditious dismantling of their last opponents, but our heroes were quickly humbled. It was clear from the start that their last opponent wasn’t very good, and the Clipauri posed a much greater threat.

They knew they were going against the Clipauri, but they didn’t take a moment to consider how the Clipauri were attacking with such a coordinated vengeance. They were too composed, too well orchestrated. Were the Clipauri capable of this on their own?


Of course! It was all a power play by Bloki, the god of flop. Bloki came out and inspired his Clipauri to victory. Splitting the home games, our heroes traveled to LA to win back home court. Our heroes needed to step up to match the trickery of Bloki.

BLOKI: Bow before me ants! I am Bloki and I am your ruler. As your great ruler I will command with the power of a Kia Optima, whose 200 horsepower rank it among the best in class in mid-size sedans 2015!

DWERT: I am Dwert?

BLOKI: Silence, it’s time to put a stop to you, much like the Kia Optima’s excellent braking system.

Knowing that they would need help, the Rockets called upon Iron A-3-za. While he came out guns blazing, Houston would still get blown out in both games in LA. Many galactic sporting experts wondered if they were done. There were idiots asking “what are we going to do, man?” Word on the galactic twitter-sphere was this was #chokecity part II.


BLOKI: We are going to kill you just like the Kia Optima… because it is one killer car!

SMAX: We must stop this murderous mode of transport!!!

BLOKI: What? No… I mean that the car is sick!

SMAX: Should we contact a vehicular health care professional?

BLOKI: Dude… what is wrong with you? This is going to be too easy… like driving a Kia Optima.

The Rockets returned home knowing their backs were against the wall. Behind a stellar performance by Rocket Harden and Iron A-3-Za, the Rockets gave the Clipauri a taste of their own medicine. They needed that win, but it also meant returning to LA where they have not had success.

Smax and Cormora were headed to the team transport when from out of the shadows stepped…


SMAX/CORMORA: Agent Dream?!

AGENT DREAM: Indeed I am. Smax and Cormora, I need you guys to step up on the court and avenge the losses!

CORMORA: What?! So is this Avengers now? I thought this was a GOTG thing?

AGENT DREAM: I need you to fo-cass! You need to show more heart  on the court, and embody your new alter egos. Cormora, I need you to channel your cat like reflexes and become the Black Mobley. Smax, when you are filled with rage, I need you to fo-cass up and become the hulking Smash!

BLACK MOBLEY: Shouldn’t I be like the black Anderson Silva or the black Katie Couric? Never-mind, I like the digs… this is purrfect… wait NO… please don’t let that be my thing!

SMAX: Smash!


HARDEN: Okay, great… what about me Agent Dream?

AGENT DREAM: I didn’t become the leader I am today without learning to trust my teammates. Most days, men like us carry them. Sometimes, we need them to carry us. Only when you guys can trust each other and learn to play free as a team, will you attain Clutch City status.

Once again, the Clipauri pounced early. This time the Rockets battled back and it was a close contest at the midway point. It looked like the Rockets had a shot to win it. Then the third quarter of battle began, and Bloki led the Clipauri on an all out assault. The results of which left the Rockets bruised and reeling.

BLOKI: We are up by 19 near the end of the third. We have conquered your spirit! Kneel before your ruler and the Kia Optima’s 24mpg in the city!

SMAX… SMASH: Smash kneels before no flopper!

The forth quarter began… and the Smash was angry!

BLOKI: You dare stand before a God?

The Rockets dared, and they did it behind the hulking might of Smash!

SMASH: Splash! *shoots a three


They came back from 19 down to not only beat the Clipauri on their home floor, but they lapped them. Dwert performed admirably. Harden cheered on his teammates knowing that they now possessed confidence in themselves to take it to the next level. More importantly he learned that he could trust these headband of brothers to have his back and carry him when he needs it. It was time to roll!

HARDEN: Those guys were right… this is like choke city. And that was our rally game Agent Dream!

AGENT DREAM: You still need to fo-cass… only then can you be unbeatable!


IRON A-3-Za: Time to take this fight back home!

The heroes return to Houston for an epic Game 7 showdown!

To be continued…

Fact – That was one of the greatest comebacks in Rockets playoff history!

Guys… that was insane! I still cannot believe it. Houston, we get another go at these guys on our home floor! Lets Go! Follow us at @vividkaret for updates on our latest blogs, and you can follow me at @facethefacts22. Until next time, when in doubt, Beat LA!



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