Face The Facts – Episode 25: Houston Rocket Raccoon II


Fact – Teams that win game 3 have won their playoff series 100% of the time.

You can read the first Houston Rocket Raccoon here.

The match was underway, and it was an excellent battle between fierce rivals. Led by their fearless leader, Rocket Harden, Houston worked hard to defend their home base against the Dallas onslaught. Cormora was in fine form, wrecking havoc with his fast break attacks. Smaxx, however, was struggling mightily. He made bad passes and was temporarily taken out of the contest.

HARDEN: You need to chill out Smax!

SMAX: It is impossible for me to change my body temperature.

HARDEN: You are letting the refs get in your head.

SMAX: Nobody gets in my head, my skull is hard and impenetrable!

When Smax sat down, Dwert came over and calmed his friend down. He reminded him of how he had his back because Smax was their for him as he went through rehab, and how they had developed great chemistry together. Smax nodded in agreement, thinking that perhaps Dwert was correct, and that he would try to find Dwert on his future passing endeavors.

Dallas, meanwhile continued their barrage. Monta the Chucker fired away against Houston, taking every opportunity to pursue shot attempts. Parsons the Overpaid tried desperately to lead his squad to victory. He addressed his team during a midway recuperation period.

PARSONS: We must crush these puny Rockets so that I may obtain the Heart of a Champion!

DIRKULA: Flop flop flop!

PARSONS: Yes… it will take all of our efforts to destroy Rocket Harden.

The heroes of our tale knew the daunting task that lied ahead. Dallas was making a concerted effort to take down Rocket Harden, but to no avail. Harden decided to go on the offense.

He struck Parsons the Overpaid with a vicious blow:

DIRKULA: Flooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! 

Dirkula promised to avenge his fallen teammate. Alongside Monta the Chucker, Dirkula tried to finish what Parsons the Overpaid had started. Dallas rallied hard and took the lead against Houston. During a time period of the game designated simply as “out,” Harden shared with his team a plan to defend their home turf.

HARDEN: If we want to come back and win, we need to do a few things. Dwert, I need you to assert your rotisserie chicken dominance.

DWERT: I am Dwert!

HARDEN: Star Wolf, I need you to get Cuban to remove Rondo the Pouty from the series.

STAR WOLF: Got it! Also, wasn’t I Star Lor…

HARDEN: And Smax, I need you to stop forcing bad passes. Only pass if it can lead to scoring!

SMAX: Only pass to score points…

The team regrouped on the court, and behind a refocused SMAX, they proceed to smack the hell out of Dallas! He connected with his friend Dwert.

They got em’ over and over again, dunking at will. They were terrorizing the Dallas defense!

Dallas simply did not have an answer. Dirkula was completely bamboozled!

Finally Smax decided to get in on the action and went up to attack Chandler the Disheartened.

Boomshakalaka! They ended defeating Dallas in both contests, and Dallas ran for home as soon as the match was over.

STAR WOLF: Sir, I am going to need to borrow your Rondo…

Star Wolf successfully got Rondo out of the series. Excited that he completed his mission he went to inform Rocket Harden.

STAR WOLF: I took out Cuban’s Rondo the Pouty for you.


HARDEN: HAH! We didn’t need him out to win the series… I just wanted to see if you would do it!

Winning the first two matches, our heroes head to Dallas to take the fight to the enemy.



Fact – People that read VIVID KARET don’t need life hacks.

Happy 25th episode FTF readers! This is yet another astoundingly arbitrary numerical achievement! I am going to game 3 tonight to root on my beloved Rockets. Hoping for a W for the good guys. You can follow me at @facethefacts22 for  tweets supporting our #pursuit during the playoffs. Thanks for reading, and until next time… when in doubt, Face The Facts!

Go Rockets, lets ride!


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