Face The Facts – Episode 20: Hadouken V (The Bro App-isode/UFC Edition III)

Welcome to the 20th episode of Face The Facts! Can you believe it? It is truly another numerical triumph for FTF and we have only the readers to thank for our success. I just cannot believe how popular this blog has gotten. Just the other day I got to hang out with my youngest brother (he was in DC for #marchforlife)  and I asked him how he liked our blog. He responded with something extremely encouraging like “you have a blog?” *This is also the same brother that inspired the term “face the facts.” Anyways, here at FTF, we are just thrilled to get to this milestone and we really hope you enjoy this special 20th “app-isode.”

Are you a bro that just moved to different city? Are you are having a hard time meeting new bros? Are most of the guys you know either lame/have kids or are old? Do you find yourself working out alone because everyone in your gym runs on the treadmill? Do you game all alone? You my friend are a sad bro. #foreveralone

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Face the facts bro… you are a James Van Der Geek. Here at FTF, we know you feel the pain and we have been developing a brand new amazing app to help a bro out.  Soon you will be James Van Der Sleek as hell! Introducing BRO-FIST, the world’s first matchmaking mobile app for bros. 

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Using geo-Brocation technology, users can set a specific radius, and they will have the option to bro down with anyone that is within that distance. It is so easy to use, even Michael Goldberg could use it. Here is how it works:

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You download the BroFist app from either the Apple App Store or the Google Play Store on to your smartphone device:

Tinder

Once you fire it up you will be asked to fill out a quick bro survey where the questions will range from:

Do you even lift?

What whey protein do you use?

Does pounding beers after a workout negate your gains?

How many bro tanks do you own?

Do you consider beer pong a real sport?

What is your favorite portmanbro?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Are you financially responsible?

Do you have kids?

After you are done, you will then have the option to set your geo-Brocation radius. Once set, just tap the bro-fist to find your match:

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Using our special patented brah-gorithm (that was perfected by bro-science) you will then be matched up with a compatible bro. If this bro seems bro to you, you can tap on the bro-fist and bro-fist bump this bro.  When he bro-fist bumps you back, you bros can arrange a bro-mantic hang out. You can meet at the bar and watch UFC. You can go to the gym and lift. You can sing drunk karaoke together. The choice is up to you, bro:

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The best part of all, this app lets you be as judgmental and superficial as you want to be. There is a bro rating system built into the app. That way future Bro-Fist bros can see if you are truly bro or if you are just a douche. The rating system is based on Vivid Karets. 1 Vivid Karet means you are not. 5 Vivid Karets means you are one of the bro-est bros we know!

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So whether you are fan of the same team, you enjoy fine scotch, or you are just an admirer of respectable muscles…

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BroFist will help hook you up with bros to hang out with. Download the app and start BroFisting today. Brofisting… does that sound kind of… whatever. Here is what people are saying about this amazingly brodacious app:

This is hands down the best way to meet new bros… this app blue us away! – Bro-est Bros You Knows

Does this backwards facing ball cap make my forehead look big? – David Bridges

BroFist: Place Fist Here, bro! – BroFist enthusiast “meathead” Rob Lowe

We have never heard of it. – Forbes

What? – IGN

Please stop posting. – Clutchfans

That was my idea you dick! – DC Dog Runner

Why did you photoshop the CEO of BroFist on my meme? – Neil Patrick Harris

So for all you bros that have a hard time meeting other bros, those days are over. So stop being a sad bro… download BroFist and be awesome instead!

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Fact – Affection Nate is the real brains behind the UFC operation.

Tonight we have another amazing card for UFC on Fox 14: Stockholm. The main event is a number one contender fight between the Alexander Gustafsson and Anthony Johnson. The winner gets the honor of facing Jon Jones for the belt. So far this card has been a knock-out-calpse… this  ish is cray cray!


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As we have been doing for the past few fights, we did a fight simulation for your mental stimulation. As always this simulation was done using EA UFC on the Playstation 4. So without further ado, here is the simulation:

Gustafsson vs. Johnson

Wow! Gustafsson with a crazy round 2 finish. I don’t know if I necessarily think there will be a finish in this fight, but man would that be awesome. If anything, Johnson would be able to pull off an early finish with a barrage. Hopefully we get the fireworks we are promised from these two. Here are the stats from the fight:

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Fact – People that read Vivid Karet are fans of Equilibrium

So there you have it, the 20th episode of Face The Facts. Hopefully, there will be plenty of FTF’s in the future. Now that buddy Lam reads this, we should be getting all sorts of buzz. You can follow me on Twitter @facethefacts22. We have an awesome card next weekend, with the return of the legendary Anderson Silva against the controversial Nick Diaz… so tune in for that one. Until next time, when in doubt… Face The Facts!

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