Face The Facts – Episode 13: Hadouken II (The Legend of Ryu and Ken’s Bromance)

Fact – Ryu and Ken’s relationship is based almost completely on my friendship with Klar.

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While Mario and Luigi were the original video-gaming bros, it was Ryu and Ken that had video-gaming’s first true bromance. Way before Jersey Shore, these guys were repping the Original “G/T/L”  –  Gi/train/leg-kicks! These guys were always working out and sparring with each other. They trained so much together, in fact, that they literally have the same moves… tornado kicks, dragon punches, and their famous down-forward-punch fireball! They both could do that… and I guess mutha-freakin’ Dhalsim and his “yoga-fire” and “yoga-flame.” More like yoga-same move you dummy. Hey Dhalsim, why don’t you yoga-shutdahellup!

Ken even says all of his moves in Japanese just like Ryu. Ken, bro, did you notice the other American in the tournament proudly says all of his moves in English? Guile actually called him out on this:

Guile: Brah, did you forget what freedom sounded like?

Ken: No!

Guile: Must be hard to hear over those girlish golden locks.

Ken: …

Guile: (Sonic) Boom Roasted! (Combs hair and flexes)

 

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Yes, when it comes to the BFF hall of fame, Ken and Ryu may be among the most distinguished honorees. It took twice as much bronze to properly craft theirs busts. Bros and gamers alike, we salute you, Ken and Ryu. Surely your bromance is the gold standard the rest of us can only hope to achieve.

As awesome as Ken and Ryu’s story is, it is actually based on another bromance. The story goes like this… Capcom executives were running out of ideas to sell Street Fighter II. They had a board meeting that went something like:

Capcom executive one: How are we going to sell SFII? We don’t really have any precedent for successful fighting games like this.

Capcom executive two: Maybe we should have stuck with the formula of the first one.

Capcom executive three: Yeah… creative really got lazy with this game. We have an African American boxer named “M. Bison.” And, do we really have a character that got his powers from wrestling electric eels?

Capcom executive one: Plus Dhalsim sucks. We need to yoga-fire whoever came up with him.

Everyone: *le sigh… muthafreakin’ Dhalsim

Capcom executive two: Why don’t we use that time traveling machine we built to work on Project Viewtiful Joe?

Capcom executive one: Brilliant, Number 2! We can travel into the future and get inspiration for our game. That way in the future they won’t think we stole any ideas; they will think we inspired them!

Capcom executive three: That is just like this script I have been writing for my screenplay, Inception, where people in the future plant ideas in someone else’s mind while they…

Everyone: Shut up about your stupid script, Number 3!

They decided the best inspiration would come from a great academic institution in the future. So a group of Capcom executives traveled into the distant future, the year 2004, and headed to the greatest school that is… the University of Design. There was a social gathering for orientation week at a campus hot spot called the “Rathskellar.” They walked in and saw an Asian bro sitting at one of the tables, eating his post-workout meal.

 

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A brah walked in and sat down at the same table. The Asian bro asked if the brah had keys to get into a secured building called “Madonna.” The brah leapt to his feet and flipped the table over.

 

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Brah: One does not simply gain passage into Madonna. It must be earned through the crucible of fire!

Asian Bro: Ah Snapsel-Cakes!?

The Asian bro was upset that his rice bowl had been knocked over. He decided to insult this brah by calling him Ken, because Bens tend to suck,9617-honda2(Benjamin Glutton #amirite) and it rhymed. Asian bro just really appreciates a good rhyme.

 

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Asian Bro: Hey Ken, you spilled my rice, prepare to die.

Brah: Why you stupi…

Asian Bro: Did you call me Ryu?! As in Ryu Hayabusa the Ninja from the land of Gaiden?

Brah: No… I said why you…

Asian Bro: You totally did again! You said “Ryu.” Your insults are as bad as your hairstyle! ShadaBOO-YAH!

They prepared for their showdown. First they stopped by the Airport to purchase tickets all around the world. They created a chart to track all the different locations their epic fight might take them. They were going to go on a lethal adventure!

 

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Inspired by Lonely Islands’ “I’m on a Boat,” they decided to square off at the docks. Looking over at the boats, Ryu thought to himself that maybe he would buy a yacht someday and sail with a BFF to Australia or something…

 

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Unbeknownst to Ken and Ryu, the Capcom executives 16-bit-tized them using their Project Viewtiful Joe machine.

 

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Random amped up music started to play in the background. They stood there, glaring at each other… daring their opponent to make a move. Ken, using his Masters in tornado kicking, struck first blood!

 

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Ryu quickly got on an airplane and flew to Brazil. He shot a fireball at Ken that Ken evaded. From there, their epic battle would span the planet. Words will never be able to do this battle justice, consider this a tribute to the SECOND GREATEST BATTLE IN THE WORLD!

 

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It was like anything Ry-U can do, I Ken do better. The battle viscously raged on for a very long time, both fighters consuming plenty of protein shakes to regenerate their life bars.

 

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It was a brilliant display of talent and skill. The stages and costume changes, this fight will be forever under-sold. As they fought they began to grow a mutual respect for each other. Ryu thought to himself that maybe he and Ken had a lot in common. After all, they were both wearing a sleeve-less Gi underneath their clothes during orientation week… it seemed quite bro-vidential.

Ryu: You are really good, perhaps when this is over, we might train together at the UD gym. *jab*

Ken: Maybe we might even be roommates…purely for training purposes of course. *high kick*

 

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Ryu: Yeah okay… I mean my roommate kind of sucks. Took my keys… that’s why I can’t get into the Madonna building. *block*

Ken: Dude… my roommate totally blows chunks too! *tornado kick*

Ryu: I wonder what else we have in common… what is your favorite movie? *block* *block* block*

Ken/Ryu: Rocky!

Ken: Wow! What about second favorite movie? *fireball*

Ken/Ryu: Braveheart!

Ryu: What is your favorite band? *duck*

Ken/Ryu: Linkin Park!

 

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Ryu: Shar-yu-KIDDING me! Everything you just said is my favorite thing! What do you like to eat when you are intoxicated at 12 AM? *dragon punch*

Ken: Tacos… What is your favorite sport? *stars spinning above head*

Ryu: Basketball! Who is the best big man to play in the NBA ever? *jumps forward*

Ken: David Robinson! *recovers*

 

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Suddenly, Ryu felt a surge of rage. It was like raw energy coursed through his veins. Ryu began to channel his inner Satsui no Hadō

 

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Ryu: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

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Ryu: KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!

 

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Ryu: OLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJUWON! *shinku fireball*

 

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When the evil presense left his body, Ryu realized that the fight was over. After a long and pec-tacular battle, Ryu had defeated Ken. He won!

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He looked at his fallen opponent and felt almost remorseful. David Robinson was pretty flippin’ good. It’s not like Ken had said Karl Malone or something.  Even more importantly, no one had ever pushed Ryu to his limits like that before. Truly it was a battle between #warriorsthatareawesome. Ryu went over and helped Ken up.

 

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They went headed back to the Rathskellar at UD and decided to watch the rest of the orientation show together.

Ryu: Let’s go back to our original names.

Klar (pronounced like Claire): I agree, I hated even having a name that rhymed with Ben…

Me: I know right! They always suck.

Klar: Like Ben Rothlisberger… that guy sucks. He will never win a Superbowl or break a two game touchdown record or something like that.

Me: Totes!

So this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down, and thanks for taking a minute and just sitting right there, reading about how I became best friends with Klar. Capcom used our story to go back and completely re-write Street Fighter II as a bromance between Ryu and Ken.

We are honored to have one of the greatest bromances based off of us. Did you know that originally, the game was going to feature Dhalsim… just kidding. Hey Dhalsim, you need to face the facts bro, it is a yoga-shame that you were in the yoga-game.

Klar/Ryu: Best friends forever!

Guile:  My theme song!

 

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A New Challenger Approaches…
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Fact – People that read Vivid Karet.com vote!

Go out and vote people, it is your democratic duty. If you haven’t already, check out all the different content we have up on VividKaret.com. You can follow me on twitter @facethefacts22. @klar21 and I will be doing another Bro-est Bros You Knows pretty soon, so keep an eye out for that. Until next time, when in doubt… Face The Facts! Go vote.

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