Face The Facts – Episode 6: Sunday School Adventures

Fact – One of the script changes in Return of the Jedi: the climactic battle was suppose to take place on a planet of Wookiees instead of Ewoks.

Welcome to another edition of Face the Facts. It has been a long hiatus, but we are happy to be back and look forward to spreading more awesome! Passion Nate, the host of the Bro-est Bros You Knows, was really pushing for me to write another one… and you just can’t say no to a man that exclaims everything he says. Apparently Passion Nate can’t do an indoor podcast with an indoor voice. Which I suppose is par, Emotion Al can’t tell a funny joke on a funny podcast.

Ripping off Sonic commercials for comedy is like stealing Trent Richardson’s moves for evasiveness. It is like copying Florida Georgia Line lyrics for subtly. It is like borrowing from Michael Bay movies for tips on writing a good script… or enjoying a Michael Bay movie for the witty banter… or watching Michael Bay movies to not have your childhood completely crushed…

Apparently using original  source designs is as impossible as a 99 cheese pizza.

Apparently using original source designs is as impossible as a 99 cheese pizza.

Also, have ya’ll ever heard of Yahoo sports fantasy? That’s like a more entertaining and informative version of the first half of your podcasts. Also, why would you bring on the fashion turkey, and not ask one question about fashion? WHAT DO I WEAR THIS FALL?! I did like Dana White’s appearance; his voice on the podcast had a certain dana sais quoi (copyrighting that one).

Fact – Washington D.C. averages more rainfall a year than Seattle.

So how has life been in the District? Life has been great. My wife, she of the beautifully crafted head, is still wonderful and my flat mates are still flat. I had a brother graduate from college and another one (the original fact facer) is about to go to college. My wife pointed out to me the other day; she and I have been in a relationship for the majority of my youngest brother’s life. So it seems the majority of my youngest brother’s life also coincides with the happiest time in mine. My parents are doing well. My in-laws are doing well. Quick shout out to

Blip Roasters, the hottest new motorcycle-themed coffee roaster in KC. They roast high quality coffee imported from farm communities in South America where farmers are paid fair and competitive wages. The best coffee beans in the world roasted by socially conscious coffee enthusiasts. Fill your cups with Blip Roasted coffee and your minds with social awareness. http://www.bliproasters.com

www.bliproasters.com
We have moved off of world famous Wisconsin Ave and moved on to solar system famous Massachusetts Ave. The new apartment complex has a bunch of cute children, a pool (category: things that are awesome), and a front desk man named Justice (He dishes out our packages with a little help from Truth and American way). My life in the District is the opposite of sports in the District (See Washington Post article on Washington “sports team”). Banh mi is getting really popular here, so that’s cool. I told my mom she should open up shop here. It would BANK!

Fact- The Hebrew term for Joseph’s “multicolored” coat, kethoneth passim, more accurately translates into Joseph’s “long sleeved” coat. Credit to my Gal Pal for this fact.

So I recently had the privilege of subbing in for Ms. Cthulhu’s Sunday school class. She was out of town terrorizing a wedding (congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Hill) and I valiantly volunteered to teach her class. More accurately, my wife and I volunteered to teach her class. Even more accurately, my wife volunteered and taught the class, I volunteered and handed out Dum Dum’s, an important if unglamorous task. I pulled out all of the root beer flavored pops which looked to be suspiciously coated in Ebola. I am as thoughtful as I am valiant, and I “disposed” of the questionable candies. Upon further anecdotal examination, the questionable pops were Ebola free, to the great relief of all parties involved. Teaching kids about the Catholic faith is fun and filled with lol’s. From watching kids head explode trying to understand the mysteries of the Holy Trinity (category: things that are awesome) to having kids question the logistics of the Adam and Eve populating the entire planet (just Google it!) the non-stop entertainment was almost worth waking up early on Sunday. The fun thing is, kids understand certain life maxims in their most unadulterated form. We should be good and treat others better, because God rewards those that are good. As adults we still live by these maxims, but they have been broken and molded into submission by our experiences.

I mean, look kid, this isn’t strictly algorithmic. Turning the other cheek isn’t always pragmatic, just ask my flat mate’s younger brother. Life isn’t a coin operated machine… wait… maybe it is, but it’s more like an old quarter hungry laundry machine that decides to shut down mid cycle leaving your life wet and ill-prepared for the dryer. Let me start over, life isn’t a videogame (Genesis/Generation/Next Gen) where you play a level well and you get a PlayStation trophy. Well sometimes it is, like you can do well at something and get a literal trophy. Hmmm, maybe these kids understand it better than I do. I mean I know I am sure that I am kind of sure of what I believe in. I know that I don’t believe in Karma. At least I don’t believe in a strictly scientific Karma. I believe my God is an Awesome God,

(you’re welcome {Kobe System} for the ear-worm) but I don’t necessarily believe my God is an axiomatic God. I won’t get compliments just by giving compliments. But maybe by being the kind of person that encourages others through honest praise, I open myself up to the increased probability of reciprocity. Maybe I just don’t like to think of God in terms of a mathematic formula. If I am being truly honest with myself, maybe I am just upset I am an Asian that is ungifted at math (My dad would call math a “piece of vanilla cake.” Did you really need to specify the cake, Bo? I mean it can be any cake, generally speaking, and make the point, right? Where is this going? *end tangent). Maybe I also find my mind getting blown trying desperately to pursue truth and comprehend purpose. Look, I do understand these life maxims more completely than these kids. I am an adult, technically speaking. I just admire how little effort it takes for them to be genuine. So here is my corny trope-ish conclusion, learning is fundamental. Sunday is still fun day even at Sunday school.

Fact- An estimated 156 wives and 275 husbands were convicted of killing their spouses each year.

So I come home and find two trays of delicious looking baked goods prepared by my wife and Cthulhu. They are on the stove next to a box of detergent. Do you:

A. Assume that the baked goods and the detergent are two separate endeavors and enjoy a delicious snack
B. Assume that your wife finally got sick of telling you to look at the car, and take a hard look at yourself
C. Assume that that Cthulhu finally had enough of my flat mate calling her Channing in his sleep, and avoid the snack.
D. Assume that Cthulhu is perfectly content with her circuitous relationship with my flat mate but still sucks at cooking, and avoid the snack.
E. Be offended that baked goods are not Bro enough and toss them out. Fry bacon, and leave that out on the stove for others to enjoy.

Yeah… most definitely E. Wives out there, please don’t put a box of detergent next to freshly prepared food after your husbands have read Gone Girl. Twist…. this is being written by Zanahoria. I mean me, the amaZing Zanahoria.

Fact- People that visit Vivid Karet.com are good looking

Next FTF will cover some Android L and Android Silver news. We will also look at some of the big (literally) smartphones that are coming out. I will give my review of the PS4 version of Destiny. Also I was kidding earlier, I love Passion Nate and Emotion Al, I just wish they wouldn’t run off every time we start the Brocast. Like seriously guys, where do you go? Are you comparing macros in your protein shake? Anyways, check out my podcast The Bro-est Bros You Knows. Klar and I try to talk about the issues while keeping it Bro. Until next time… when in doubt, Face The Facts!

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2 Responses to “Face The Facts – Episode 6: Sunday School Adventures”

  1. Amazingly good looking. Clearly.

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