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So, I suppose that I knew that Sylvester Stallone had a mother. Butt (haha you’ll get it later) who would have known she had such…talents?
There are few things in life that have me cracking (HA) up so much that I cry. This is one of them.
*Imagines voiceover* Has your life been a bit crappy (OMG) lately? Have you been wondering when you’ll get out of a this hole? Well, maybe you need SYLVESTER STALLONE’S MOM TO TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR BUTT.
All your problems will be solved.
Oh. There are examples.
So when the girls go out for champagne and literature club, and come home with extra energy…
…we usually find a new activity. Here’s what we did this time:
Sunday School Skit:
Jesus Heals a Demon-Possessed Man
(Luke 8: 26-39)
Characters: Narrator, Village Person 1, 2, &3, Demons 1, 2, &3, Jesus, Man
Narrator: Jesus and his followers sailed to the region of the Gerasenes, which is across the lake from Galilee. When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town.
Village Person 1: Oh no, it’s the crazy guy.
Village Person 2: Yeah, he hasn’t worn clothes or lived in a house for a long time, but he’s been living in the graveyard.
Village Person 3: Even when he has been chained hand and foot and kept under guard, he has broken his chains and has been driven by the demon into places by himself.
Narrator: When the possessed man saw Jesus, he cried out and fell at his feet.
Demon 1: What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, don’t torture me!
Narrator: He said this because Jesus has commanded the demons to come out of the man.
Jesus: What is your name?
Demons 1, 2, and 3: Legion.
Narrator: They said Legion, because there were many demons in this man.
Demon 2: Please don’t send us into the Abyss!
Demon 3: Please send us into those pigs over there instead!!
Jesus: Very well, you have my permission to go into the pigs.
Narrator: When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned.
Village Person 1: Wow, I’m going to go tell everyone else in the village what just happened!!
Man: Jesus, thank you for healing me!
Village Person 2: Wow, the demon-possessed man is now wearing clothes, and he’s not crazy any more!
Village Person 3: Jesus, please leave us! We’re afraid!
Jesus: Ok, I will leave then.
Man: Jesus, can I come with you?
Jesus: No, but go home and tell everyone how much God has done for you.
Man: I definitely will!
Narrator: Then Jesus left the town.
I found out about the Limousines when they were on tour with the Sounds (my favorite band ever). The Limousines are pretty awesome, and there is now a dedication to Vivid Karet in their Scrapbook EP.
Law school finals really suck, so I am going to take a break and write a paragraph about something different for a few minutes…
The Texas Rangers, seemingly forever the laughingstock of Major League Baseball, are currently sitting on a MLB best record of 12 wins to only 3 losses. As a long suffering Rangers fan, I hardly know what to do with myself now that my team is simply the best in baseball. Sure we lost the last two Word Series, but we MADE THE WORLD SERIES TWO YEARS IN A ROW. And this team looks to be the best the Rangers have ever fielded – there are no weaknesses. They either lead or place second in the AL in almost every major offensive category as well as almost every major pitching category.
For the first time, the below video applies to the Texas Rangers, and I am very thankful for it (and will rub it in as much as I possibly can).
So one day I came home and there was a spider on my floor. I was about to squish him and he was like “No! Bro!” I didn’t squish him, and instead cooked a delicious dinner because I had this hot girl coming over. We were sitting down to eat, and a cockroach ran across the floor. I was like “Oh no, now she’s going to think I’m messy!” When all of a sudden out of nowhere comes SPIDER BRO. He took that cockroach down and dragged it off behind the refrigerator, and my date went off without a hitch.
My apartment was amazingly bug-free for quite a while. I had many bodacious dates.
Then one day I came home and spider bro was curled up and crispy. I took him outside and buried him, and had my landlord spray for bugs. I decided I should do some cleaning and got behind the refrigerator. There was a huge pile of bugs. Spider Bro had been saving my butt the entire time, helping me keep my apartment nice and neat.
I tell this story so that maybe you’ll think again about squishing your spider bros.
There are some songs that immediately put me in a specific time and place. I was grocery shopping today and Nena’s “99 Luftballoons” followed some generic acoustic guitar.
Freshman/Sophomore year of high school, driving around in the VaJetta, sunroof open and windows down, shooting tapioca balls from our bubble tea out at pedestrians.
This one worked well with the 4th graders this past weekend. We also read the Passover story and the story of the Last Supper, and discussed how they were related.
John 6 Skit
Narrator: Jesus was at the far side of the Sea of Galilee. The crowd kept following him, because they saw him doing miracles and healing the sick.
Jesus: Philip, where can we buy bread to feed all these people?
Philip: Are you kidding? Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!
Andrew: Actually, there’s a boy here with 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. But what good is that with this whole crowd?
Jesus: Tell everyone to sit down.
Narrator: Everyone sat down. There were at least 5,000 men there. Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and gave them to the people. And he did the same with the fish.
Disciple 1: Thanks, Jesus!
Disciple 2: Yeah, we were hungry!
Jesus: Now pick up the leftovers.
Andrew: There are 12 baskets of leftovers – this is crazy!
Disciple 3: Surely, this is the Prophet we’ve been expecting!
Disciple 1: Yes, let’s make him our king!
Narrator: When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself. So the next day…
Disciple 2: Let’s go find Jesus!
Disciple 3: Here he is!
Disciple 4: Jesus, when did you get here?
Jesus: You guys probably just want more food. But you shouldn’t be worried about food; instead you should be looking for eternal life.
Disciple 2: Yeah, we want to do that – so what should we do?
Jesus: God wants you to believe in the one He sent. (That’s me.)
Disciple 3: Then show us another miracle – Moses gave our ancestors bread from heaven to eat when they were in the wilderness!
Jesus: Actually, that wasn’t Moses… That was my Father who gave them that bread. But I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.
Disciple 4: Wait a minute, isn’t this Jesus, the son of Mary and Joseph? He grew up in Nazareth – how can he say that he came down from heaven?
Jesus: Your ancestors ate the bread my Father gave them, but they died. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and this bread, which I will offer so the world may live, is my flesh.
Disciple 1: What?! How can this guy give us his flesh to eat? That’s disgusting!
Jesus: I’m not kidding. I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life within you.
Disciple 2: Let’s get out of here. This guy is crazy.
(Disciples 1, 2, 3, and 4 exit.)
Narrator: These people couldn’t believe in what Jesus said, so Jesus let them walk away.
Jesus: Are you, my 12 disciples, also going to leave?
Simon Peter: Lord, who else would we go to? You have the words that give eternal life.
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